For Dustin Putman & Patrick Jennings
Shaping my tastes and critiquing skills with warmth and grace.
And so, another year has come and gone, and my, what a year it's been.
The box office was set ablaze by "Top Gun: Maverick", a film that was in theaters for what seemed like seven years, but revitalized the box office and became Tom Cruise's highest grosser. Blockbusters felt like blockbusters, performances were exceptionally strong and the smaller sized fare made names for themselves, regardless of their success at the box office or not.
It seemed this year, whether we were flying high at "Cruising" altitude, or being transported nearly a century back to the old, ribald Hollywood, 2022 was a phenomenal year... Particularly for horror. Whatever the Horror Genre was riding high on this year, please don't ever let it die.
First, the listing of best performances of the year, with my personal pick for best of the year in that catergory bolded in red (though every performance listed is terrific). Next, an alphabetical listing of the best music made for films this year. We take a look at the overrated and underrated films of the year and we smack this number out of the park by lisiting my best and worst films of the year. These last two years have been so great, I sincerely hope this carries over into 2023. Let's do this!
Oh... and never forget "Morbius".
The Best Performances Of 2022
Best Actor
Ben Aldridge - "Spoiler Alert"
Jeff Anderson - "Clerks III"
Antonio Banderas - "The Enforcer"
John Boyega - "Breaking"
Sterling K. Brown - "Honk For Jesus. Save Your Soul."
Austin Butler - "Elvis"
Nicolas Cage - "The Unbearable Weight Of Massive Talent"
Diego Calva - "Babylon"
Daniel Craig - "Glass Onion"
Tom Cruise - "Top Gun: Maverick"
Billy Eichner - "Bros"
Idris Elba - "Beast"
Omar Epps - "The Devil You Know"
Colin Farrell - "After Yang"
Colin Farrell - "The Banshees Of Inisherin"
Will Ferrell - "Spirited"
Ralph Fiennes - "The Menu"
Brendan Fraser - "The Whale"
Brendan Gleeson - "The Banshees Of Inisherin"
Dave Grohl - "Studio 666"
Jake Gyllenhaal - "Ambulance"
Jon Hamm - "Confess, Fletch"
David Harbour - "Violent Night"
Tom Holland - "Uncharted"
Daniel Kaluuya - "Nope"
B.J. Novak - "Vengeance"
Bian O'Halloran - "Clerks III"
Jim Parsons - "Spoiler Alert"
Robert Pattinson - "The Batman"
Brad Pitt - "Bullet Train"
Daniel Radcliffe - "Weird: The Al Yankovic Story"
Ryan Reynolds - "Spirited"
Mark Rylance - "The Outfit"
Jason Segel - "Windfall"
Alexander Skarsgard - "The Northman"
Sylvester Stallone - "Samaritan"
CK Steele - "Don't Shoot The Piano Man"
Channing Tatum - "Dog"
Mason Thames - "The Black Phone"
David Howard Thornton - "Terrifier 2"
Mark Wahlberg - "Father Stu"
Best Actress
Naomi Ackie - "I Wanna Dance With Somebody"
Ana De Armas - "Blonde"
Sosie Bacon - "Smile"
Robbie Barnes-Kyriakides - "Don't Shoot The Piano Man"
Melissa Barrera - "Scream"
Cate Blanchett - "TAR"
Jessie Buckley - "Men"
Sandra Bullock - "The Lost City"
Georgina Campbell - "Barbarian"
Olivia Colman - "Empire Of Light"
Grace Caroline Currey - "Fall"
Jamie Lee Curtis - "Halloween Ends"
Viola Davis - "The Woman King"
Danielle Deadwyler - "Till"
Charlbi Dean (R.I.P.) - "Triangle Of Sadness"
Zoey Deutch - "Not Okay"
Daisy Edgar-Jones - "Where The Crawdads Sing"
Grace Favarro - "Chains Of Redemption"
Isabelle Fuhrman - "Orphan: First Kill"
Virginia Gardner - "Fall"
Mia Goth - "Pearl"
Mia Goth - "X"
Regina Hall - "Honk For Jesus. Save Your Soul."
Bryce Dallas Howard - "Jurassic World: Dominion"
Allison Janney - "Lou"
Sofia Kappel - "Pleasure"
Zoe Kazan - "She Said"
Zoe Kravitz - "The Batman"
Mila Kunis - "Luckiest Girl Alive"
Lauren LaVera - "Terrifier 2"
Lesley Manville - "Mrs. Harris Goes To Paris"
Amber Midthunder - "Prey"
Maika Monroe - "Watcher"
Carey Mulligan - "She Said"
Katelynn Newberry - "Isolated"
Keke Palmer - "Nope"
Aubrey Plaza - "Emily The Criminal"
Kali Reis - "Catch The Fair One"
Margot Robbie - "Babylon"
Saoirse Ronan - "See How They Run"
Taylor Russell - "Bones And All
Amandla Stenberg - "Bodies Bodies Bodies"
Anya Taylor-Joy - "The Menu"
Michelle Williams - "The Fabelmans"
Letita Wright - "Black Panther: Wakanda Forever"
Michelle Yeoh - "Everthing Everywhere All At Once"
Best Supporting Actor
Jovan Adepo - "Babylon"
David Arquette - "Scream"
Dave Bautista - "Glass Onion"
James "Gappy" Burney - "Chains Of Redemption"
Steve Burns - "Blue's Big City Adventure"
Rohan Campbell - "Halloween Ends"
Jim Carrey - "Sonic The Hedgehog 2"
Russell Crowe - "The Greatest Beer Run Ever"
Paul Dano - "The Batman"
Paul Dano - "The Fabelmans"
Colin Farrell - "The Batman"
Dan Fogler - "Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets Of Dumbledore"
Mel Gibson - "Father Stu"
Jeff Goldblum - "Jurassic World: Dominion"
Mason Gooding - "Scream"
Tom Hanks - "Elvis"
Woody Harrelson - "Triangle Of Sadness"
Ethan Hawke - "The Black Phone"
Martin Henderson - "X"
Brian Tyree Henry - "Bullet Train"
Emile Hirsch - "Devil's Workshop"
Boyd Holbrook - "Vengeance"
Nicholas Hoult - "The Menu"
Barry Keoghan - "The Banshees Of Inisherin"
Rory Kinnear - "Men"
Ashton Kutcher - "Vengeance"
John Leguizamo - "The Menu"
Justin Long - "Barbarian"
Luke MacFarlane - "Bros"
Kyle MacLachlan - "Confess, Fletch"
Tobey Maguire - "Babylon"
Scott Mescudi - "X"
Josh Miller - "Fun."
Edward Norton - "Glass Onion"
Dylan O'Brien - "The Outfit"
Pedro Pascal - "The Unbearable Weight Of Massive Talent"
Brad Pitt - "Babylon"
Brad Pitt - "The Lost City"
Glen Powell - "Top Gun: Maverick"
Jack Quaid - "Scream"
Ke Huy Quan - "Everything Everywhere All At Once"
Theo Rossi - "Emily The Criminal"
Mark Rylance - "Bones And All"
Michael Shannon - "Bullet Train"
Bill Skarsgard - "Barbarian"
Kiefer Sutherland - "The Contractor"
Aaron Taylor-Johnson - "Bullet Train"
Miles Teller - "Top Gun: Maverick"
George Tutie - "Fun."
John Turturro - "The Batman"
Mark Wahlberg - "Uncharted"
Michael Ward - "Empire Of Light"
Denzel D. Washington - "Don't Shoot The Piano Man"
Michael Kenneth Williams (R.I.P.) - "Breaking"
Steven Yuen - "Nope"
Best Supporting Actress
Angela Bassett - "Black Panther: Wakanda Forever"
Neve Campbell - "Scream"
Hong Chau - "The Whale"
Kerry Condon - "The Banshees Of Inisherin"
Jennifer Connelly - "Top Gun: Maverick"
Courteney Cox - "Scream"
Jamie Lee Curtis - "Everything Everywhere All At Once"
Rosario Dawson - "Clerks III"
Laura Dern - "Jurassic World: Dominion"
Zoey Deutch - "The Outfit"
Lina Edwards - "Don't Shoot The Piano Man"
Gal Gadot - "Death On The Nile"
Danai Gurira - "Black Panther: Wakanda Forever"
Stephanie Hsu - "Everything Everywhere All At Once"
Joey King - "Bullet Train"
Li Jun Li - "Babylon"
Mikey Madison - "Scream"
Andi Matichak - "Halloween Ends"
Madeline McGraw - "The Black Phone"
Janelle Monae - "Glass Onion"
Lupita Nyong'o - "Black Panther: Wakanda Forever"
Jenna Ortega - "Scream"
Jenna Ortega - "Studio 666"
Jenna Ortega - "X"
Margot Robbie - "Amsterdam"
Rachel Sennott - "Bodies Bodies Bodies"
Sadie Sink - "The Whale"
Jean Smart - "Babylon"
Brittany Snow - "X"
Octavia Spencer - "Spirited"
Julia Stiles - "Orphan: First Kill"
Anya Taylor-Joy - "The Northman"
Lucy Turner - "Chains Of Redemption"
Sigourney Weaver - "Call Jane"
Evan Rachel Wood - "Weird: The Al Yankovic Story"
Tandi Wright - "Pearl"
Best Vocal Performance
Jensen Ackles - "Batman: The Long Halloween"
Antonio Banderas - "Puss In Boots: The Last Wish"
Zazie Beetz - "The Bad Guys"
Rosalie Chiang - "Turning Red"
Jean Claude Van Damme - "Minions: The Rise Of Gru"
Josh Duhamel - "Batman: The Long Halloween"
Idris Elba - "Sonic The Hedgehog 2"
Chris Evans - "Lightyear"
Dolph Lundgren - "Minions: The Rise Of Gru"
Gabriel Mann - "Guillermo Del Toro's Pinocchio"
Ewan McGreggor - "Guillermo Del Toro's Pinocchio"
Carey Means - "Aqua Teen Forever: Plantasm"
John Mulaney - "Chip 'N Dale: Rescue Rangers"
Coleen O'Shaughnessey - "Sonic The Hedgehog 2"
Keke Palmer - "Lightyear"
Salma Hayek Pinault - "Puss In Boots: The Last Wish"
Naya Rivera (R.I.P.) - "Batman: The Long Halloween"
Sam Rockwell - "The Bad Guys"
Isabella Rossellini - "Marcel The Shell With Shoes On"
Andy Samberg - "Chip 'N Dale: Rescue Rangers"
Ben Schwartz - "Sonic The Hedgehog 2"
J.K. Simmons - "Chip 'N Dale: Rescue Rangers"
Jenny Slate - "Marcel The Shell With Shoes On"
Dana Snyder - "Aqua Teen Forever: Plantasm"
Dave Willis- "Aqua Teen Forever: Plantasm"
Best Songs For Cinema 2022
Note: Songs from "I Wanna Dance With Somebody" are included here; even though they are previous recordings, it's Whitney Houston and they're treasures.
"Can't Help Falling In Love"
Kacey Musgraves
"Elvis"
"Carolina"
Taylor Swift
"Where The Cawdads Sing"
"Chip 'N Dale: Rescue Rangers Theme"
Post Malone
"Chip 'N Dale: Rescue Rangers"
"Do A Little Good"
The Cast Of Spirited
"Spirited"
"Don't Fly Away (PNAU Remix)"
Elvis Presley & PNAU
"Elvis"
"Far Enough"
Whitey Houston
"I Wanna Dance With Somebody"
"Higher Love"
Whitney Houston & Kygo
"I Wanna Dance With Somebody"
"Hold My Hand"
Lady Gaga [TIE]
"Top Gun: Maverick"
"Hot Girl"
Charli XCX
"Bodies Bodies Bodies"
"I Ain't Worried"
OneRepublic
"Top Gun: Maverick"
"I'm You Baby Tonight"
Whitney Houston
"I Wanna Dance With Somebody"
"I Wanna Dance With Somebody (Who Loves Me)"
Whitney Houston
"I Wanna Dance With Somebody"
"I Will Always Love You (Live From The Concert For A New South Africa)"
Whitney Houston
"I Wanna Dance With Somebody"
"Lift Me Up"
Rihanna
"Black Panther: Wakanda Forever"
"Love Is Not Love"
Billy Eichner
"Bros"
"Nobody Like U"
4*TOWN
"Turning Red"
"Nobody's Watching"
Jennifer Lopez
"Marry Me"
"Nothing Is Lost (You Give Me Strength)"
The Weeknd
"Avatar: The Way Of Water"
"No Woman No Cry"
Tems
"Black Panther: Wakanda Forever"
"Now You Know"
Weird Al Yankovic
"Weird: The Al Yankovic Story"
"Pa' Ti"
Jennifer Lopez & Maluma
"Marry Me"
"Stars In The Sky"
Kid Cudi
"Sonic The Hedgehog 2"
"Stayin' Alive"
Avu-chan
"Bullet Train"
"Take A Look At Us Now"
Javier Bardem & Shawn Mendes
"Lyle Lyle Crocodile"
"The King & I"
Eminem & CeeLo Green
"Elvis"
"Unreedeemable"
Nickelback [TIE]
"Spirited"
"Unreedeemable"
Will Ferrell & The Spirited Ensemble
"Spirited"
"Vegas"
Doja Cat
"Elvis"
The Most Overrated Film Of 2022
"Armageddon Time"
James Gray's semi-autobiographical tale of coming of age has a sterling cast, but the problem lies in it's completely unfocused and jarring tone, and it's odd bait-and-switch tactic used in it's marketing. Viewing the trailers, you're led to believe the film is primarily a story of two young boys (Banks Repeta & Jaylin Webb) of different races, overcoming adversity and sticking together through thick and thin. In reality, this storyline is roughly one-third of it's 115 minute running time (and when it does pop back up in the second half, it's uncomfortably treated as an afterthought), with the rest of the film following aimless scenes of disparate tones, including scenes carrying a would-be light tone, to ones that get extremely dark; this occurs so often, that it left me physically nauseous. Anne Hathaway and Anthony Hopkins are great, as per usual, but they can't save something as misguided as this.
Runners-Up: Mr. Malcolm's List; The Cursed
The Most Underrated Film Of 2022
"The Devil You Know"
Lionsgate Films is a very busy studio, releasing a lot of films through the year through video on demand and theatrical releasing. "The Devil You Know" was released under the radar in April of this year and receiving pretty low reviews, I viewed the film once it hit Blu-ray and was surprisingly captivated and baffled as to why it earned such negativity. Omar Epps is terrific as a man released from prison and careful to watch his every step and clean up his act (including getting sober), his moral compass and internal conscience is put to the test when a home invasion near him goes wrong and he suspects a family member is involved. Gripping, tightly written and wonderfully performed, this was a film that deserved more attention, and actually might have profited from a modest theatrical release. While the pacing does lag once or twice (it's runtime is 116 minutes) and could've benefited from a tighter edit, this is still a sterling work. It's one film that deserves an audience.
Runners-Up: Amsterdam; Blacklight; Call Jane; Empire Of Light; Firestarter; Memory; Moonfall; Studio 666; The Bubble; The Enforcer ... and all of Bruce Willis' films released this year (there's too many to list here)
The Worst Films Of 2022
Dishonorable Mentions: American Carnage; Code Name Banshee; Delusional; Frank & Penelope; Get Da Big Bag; Honor Among Thieves; House Squatch; Lockdown; Mack & Rita; Me Time; Mr. Malcolm's List; New Trap City; Nightshade; One Bad Habit; Pinocchio: A True Story; Prey For The Devil; Room 203; Section 8; Sex Appeal; Shattered Choices; Spirit Halloween: The Movie; The Co-Signer; The Exorcism Of Hannah Stevenson; The Good Neighbor; The King's Daughter; The Legened Of La Llorona; The Surprise Visit; The Whore Next Door; The Wolf And The Lion; Titanic 666; Umma; White Lies; Zero Contact
10. "Don't Worry Darling"
“Don’t Worry Darling” is a huge misfire. The pre-release turmoil and controversies, I believe, have been brought to the forefront to help get the movie more revenue, as the final product is absolutely dreadful; a film that thinks it’s more important than it actually is, when in reality, it’s hilariously off the mark. The story may be intriguing, but the mystery supporting the entire narrative completely falls apart as it goes on. Alice (Florence Pugh) and Jack (Harry Styles) live in a town called “Victory”. The wives stay home while the men head to work on something called “The Victory Project”. Alice, however, begins to suspect that there’s more beneath the surface than what she’s being told. First off, in the news, Florence Pugh got RAVE acclaim and… she’s fine. Pugh is an amazing actress, but here? No. She’s left hopelessly adrift on an island where everyone acted like complete weirdos. I get that that’s sort of the point, but this reaches a level of weirdness that transcends the norm. She’s simply perfunctory here. The writing in this film is absolutely atrocious, and the directing seems a bit off here. Harry Styles is NOT good here, and that’s really disappointing to report, because he is extremely talented. Olivia Wilde is extremely distracting here; I understand she directed the picture, but she seems to give herself more screentime than other important supporting characters. Her performance screams “I know I directed this, and I’m giving myself some of the better dramatic moments.” That’s a shame because normally she’s very good. Other performers are extremely awkward, with Nick Kroll teetering between over the top and barely there. However, there’s Chris Pine, the one saving Grace. His performance is deliciously wicked and hysterically campy, but his suave charm helps reign in the more outrageous moments. Were it not for him, this movie would’ve been even worse. “Don’t Worry Darling” wants to be a provocative metaphor, serving as a think piece, much like a Jordan Peele, or A24 film. Instead, it’s totally flat. The final half hour, where the twist is revealed as to what’s all going on, won’t be given away here, simply because it would take two hours to explain, but it has to be said that it’s absolutely ludicrous and makes less sense as it’s not expanded too much upon, leaving the viewers with so many unanswered questions. “Don’t Worry Darling” is an absolutely disastrous nightmare.
9. "Asking For It"
Undoing every single thing that 2020’s best film “Promising Young Woman” did exceedingly well, “Asking For It” is incredibly tone-deaf in its approach and execution of trying to tackle sensitive subject matter, specifically sexual assault and rape. The story revolves around Joey (Kiersey Clemons) who inadvertently becomes a part of a renegade women’s vigilante group after being raped. Not about to take what happened to her lightly, she sets out to exact revenge… sort of. The story is absolutely all over the place and seems cobbled together hastily to try and tie characters and theme together. Joey rarely seems as if she wants to be a part of this group. Sure, she finds solace in Regina (Alexandra Shipp) and they share somewhat of a friendship, but Joey aside from one or two moments, seems mostly unsure or downright against some of the tactics these women use to get back at men. There’s also the fact that none of these women are particularly written to be likeable. They’re not ugly or negative creations, but the product of atrocious screenwriting, trying ever so desperately to make them seem so cool and edgy with every single word that spews from their lips. Vanessa Hudgens, normally very good, is awful here as Beatrice, the angriest and arguably the most sadistic of the group. Even though Joey is just like her in a lot of ways, she’s very defensive against her for no reason at all. Her methods of revenge also border on absolutely psychotic; at one point, after gassing a room full of men gathered to see the main antagonist (Ezra Miller) speak, Miller walks out to their truck where she proceeds to hit and kick him, knocking him out. All fine, until out of nowhere, she pulls out and puts on a strap-on and is two seconds away from committing whatever she wants to commit in broad daylight. It’s a moment so off the wall that the film falls to rock bottom and never recovers. The rest of the cast, normally talented individuals, are not even trying to try here, giving monotonous line deliveries and rarely speaking like humans. Alexandra Shipp, always welcome and radiant, is the one exception, though she falls victim to the films horrid script on occasion. Ezra Miller, recently in the news this year for being a complete scumbag, portrays a complete scumbag here. Given the context of his antics outside of the film, Miller seems to play this role too good. No one in this film remotely acts like a justifiable human being, either performing as a complete cartoon character, or not caring at all. In its final moments, “Asking For It” completely falls apart in its rush to remind audiences of why it exists and comes dangerously close to making a mockery of assault victims in the process.
8. "Suicide For Beginners"
Were it not for Sid Haig in one of his final performances here, “Suicide For Beginners” would be a total wasteland of creativity. The story involves some wacko numb nuts who decides to kidnap a girl who turned him down, and, in a fit of rage, stage her death to be a suicide. The fact that the entire film is played for laughs is not only disconcerting, but totally inappropriate. Filled to the brim with such savagely unlikeable characters, rancid music cues (the score sounds like it’s out of a 1995 direct-to video childrens film) and writing that’s very inconsistent with itself, this film belongs at the very bottom of the Lido Lounge trash can, where people think filth like this is entertainment. The performances suck, and the pacing for a 90 minute film is horrendous. I’d rather smell wet dog. I wish I had more to give you guys on this one, but the memory of the film faded roughly 30 minutes after watching and I can barely remember any of it.
7. "The Invitation"
“The Invitation” is so awful that no one should venture to see it. Nathalie Emmanuel plays Evelyn, a woman, whom, after taking a DNA test, is whisked away to London to find out and learn about her other family members. All is not as they seem, because of course its not. Evelyn is set up in the first few minutes of being smart and aware of her surroundings. Yet, the entire film, she’s so stupid, making the dumbest decisions she can. She’s been told to heed any warning signs, yet they have NEON SIGNS in front of her and she ignores it. The pacing of the first 75 minutes are so awful and spend so much time doing the bare minimum, that you beg for the vampires to show up. That’s right: she belongs to a family of vampires, something that was given away in the marketing and doesn’t happen until too far in. The third act, everything that happens in it, is on the trailer, and it’s ridiculous that Sony had zero confidence in this film that they had to give everything away. Can you blame them? The acting is so atrocious, the effects and editing are awful; most of the effects take place in blue darkness so that you don’t see the awful seams. The music score is lacking and the writing is laughably awful. The only redeeming factor? Hugh Skinner, as cousin Oliver, who only has ten minutes of screen time, yet seems genuinely happy to be here that it’s infectious. The climax wants so badly to be “Ready Or Not”, but bungles it awfully. The flying crane kick to a vampire into the fire at the end makes Busta Rhymes kung fu kicking the shit out of Michael Myers in “Halloween: Resurrection” look sensible. The film was released to Bluray with an unrated version. You'd have to literally brun me at the stake to get me to watch this again.
6. "Family Camp"
Christian family comedies are more than ok to exist. What’s not ok is being as aggressively obnoxious and worthless as “Family Camp”, a film so annoying, I wanted to take one of the torches and stick it in my damn mouth. At least it’s inoffensive and it's target audience will like it, though whether that’s an insult or a compliment is up to you. Featuring zero likeable characters, the film follows a family as they share a Yurt, a tent like cabin, with another family with a father so unctuous and hellbent on being annoying that I wished he would’ve been killed off onscreen. At one point the two dads are fighting in a lake and pushing each other under the water. I kept rooting for the main dad to drown the other. He acts like a serial killer and behaves like one too complete with touching people aggressively upon meeting them, playing the harmonica as loudly as possible during inappropriate moments and has the serial killer glasses to boot. He even gets overly excited at food, weirdly exclaiming one point “They have cheddar wieners!” The first half of the movie is actual camp shit until the second half when the idiot serial killer like father intentionally gets them lost by acting like a complete moron and intentionally stealing a bee hive for honey. Stupid ass. This movie is not funny. It’s not cute. The movies Christian themes are there whenever they feel like it; struggling marriages are brought up and then quickly patched together as soon as possible. The main lesson is “Love Thy Neighbor”, but these people are all so ugly and selfish that it’s hard to accept their sudden Kumbaya turn around at the end. The actors overact like complete idiots, the wife’s name is Grace because OF COURSE IT IS, the husband is too focused on work featuring proposals and promotions BECAUSE OF COURSE HE IS, there are two TV Bigfoot hunters (one of them calls the other a “Doofus McSpazzatron” so that’s the high point of comedy) the soundtrack selections are bizarre (at one point, the main camp counselor’s ring tone is, and I swear to God, “Baby Jesus doo do doo do doo, Baby Jesus”) and the movie has the balls to end with my most hated cliche: the cast dance party, where the cast acts oh so silly and has so much fun bustin a move that only white people can do. It’s for sure white people dancing because it has no rhythm and they do funny stuff like the worm and the splits. Even the badly done CGI gopher gets in on the action! Fuck off.
5. "The Mean One"
The idea of The Grinch becoming a slasher villain would work like gangbusters… for a fifteen minute short. As a 92 minute feature film, it’s botched beyond all recognition. As a parody film, it doesn’t work for a second because of one fatal flaw: they take this entire thing WAY too seriously. Because of this, the film becomes insanely boring as it turns into a run of the mill, z-grade horror movie that you would find on Tubi. As a matter of fact, the production of this movie is totally wretched from top to bottom. The cinematography is complete garbage, looking washed out, too saturated, or desaturated; I don’t know if this was done as a style choice or to disguise the fact that this movie was not shot during the winter time, but it’s frequently distracting and takes one out of the film. The “snow” is also distracting; during scenes in the Grinch’s cave, you can clearly see what looks like cotton on top of cardboard flooring. I understand it’s a movie, but when you make no effort to hide it, it’s gonna be pointed out. The acting isn’t great, proving static and pointless. Either go all out and embrace the silliness, or don’t bother. These actors are clearly not trying and it’s glaringly apparent (This goes for the unctuous narrator, too). As a parody, they obviously don’t use the names “Grinch” or “Cindy Lou Who”, instead saying “The Mean One” or “Cindy You Know Who”. Ha Ha. Very clever. The effects in the film are wretched; obvious Final Cut blood effects are used (the same ones over and over and over), making the CGI blood super distracting and the actual killings not fun. David Howard Thornton tries his best, but he’s playing, essentially, Art The Clown again, but in a Grinch costume. Not only that, but he never talks in the film, needlessly screeching like a monster, or is too busy copying Jim Carrey’s mannerisms from the 2000 film. “The Mean One” had only one reason for being in theaters: it’s a GRINCH parody. If it was a Santa Claus or a krampus, or ANYTHING else, this would be primed for a straight to Dollar Tree release.
4. "365 Days: This Day" AND "The Next 365 Days"
Both of these films are here because they're essentially the same film and I didn't feel right splitting them up. Two years ago, Netflix acquired the Polish/English film “365 Days”, and it went on to become one of the absolute biggest pieces of trash I have ever seen. Now, we have two sequels. The first movie was infamous for it being basically porn with a plot. That film was graphic beyond belief (with noises I have not been able to get out of my head since then), and this film starts out that way, until it decides to throw its hands up and decide to do nothing at all. This movie’s “plot” doesn’t start until 50, yes 50 MINUTES into this 111 minute movie. Until this point, you get NOTHING. NOTHING HAPPENS! Well, stuff does happen, but nothing to advance the plot in any way, shape or form. Laura, our female lead, mentions to her friend that she was once pregnant and doesn’t want Massimo to find out just yet. This is never brought up again until (spoiler) the VERY end. You get sex, none of it hot. You get scenes of talking between people that do not add anything whatsoever to this story. You get outrageously awful pop music (oh yes, the horrible soundtrack is back, this time seemingly more of it) set to montages of people driving to nowhere of importance, and then a bizarre line in which Laura tells her friend “I’m pissed at Massimo, but I’m not telling him or you about it.” WHAT? This movie did nothing but waste my time. Whereas I was angry at the first film for trying to portray a romance between a criminal and his kidnapped victim, I’m angry here at the sheer incompetence at every step. Massimo’s twin brother literally clicks and snaps his tongue and snarls before and after every line he utters, this is not a joke; the acting is incredibly piss poor and anytime the actors speak English, it’s not written properly (at one time, Laura asks Massimo “How do I look like?” And he responds accordingly), though this can be forgiven as this is not their primary language. The pacing is so……………….. slow that You could have a fifteen minute diarrhea episode on the toilet, not pause the movie, recuperate and come back and you wouldn’t have missed a thing. And the story decisions and turns are straight out of a soap opera, but not even one old people would wanna watch. Let’s not talk about the war between the Italian and Spanish mafia, because that’s the VERY end.
There was no story to go on for another film and that’s made scarily evident as the film ticks on. At the end of the second film, Laura was shot and almost killed by Massimo’s stupid ass plot device: his twin brother. The film faded out, hopefully answering any questions raised with a follow up. Here, when Laura wakes up and starts fraternizing with her gal pal, who tells her she should be resting, she literally brushes it off as if it’s a frickin paper cut. Gunshot wound? All you need is ALCOHOL CONSUMPTION AND TO JUMP AROUND WITH NO CARE IN THE WORLD. The film then proceeds to sit there. I wish I was kidding. No story jumps in until over an hour and twenty minutes in. Nacho, the buff ding a lingg from the last one is here simply so Laura can have a five minute thought process of whether or not she wants him or Massimo. The sex scenes in the film are atrociously funny. The sight of Laura sitting on the table with her legs flailing about like a rag doll made me laugh so hard. There’s also random sexual activity in a strip club, but I don’t think it’s a proper strip club as the “No touch” rule is most certainly not in play here, and the customer/employee relations are out of control. The atrocious and nonsensical soundtrack is back, as are the gross sounds coming from the films various activities. The end of the film features Massimo and Laura on a beach as Laura comes to find out if Massimo is going to kill her over a misunderstanding or not. He doesn’t, but the final scene is a complete joke. Massimo recounts a generic anecdote (if you love something, let it go, etc.) then speaks the hilarious final line “Are you back, baby girl?” The camera then circles around the two as they stand in total silence for two full minutes before the film ends without another word. At least… AT LEAST it’s over. “The Next 365 Days” (the official title) is just like “365 Days” and “365 Days: This Day”: grotesque and immoral trash that not even people into the kinky erotica scene deserve. I would rather eat paint chips.
3. "Measure Of Revenge"
“Measure Of Revenge” is what happens when you take the idea of a revenge-thriller, put a bunch of stupid shit along with it inside a blender, hit purée and out comes a concoction that looks like elephant vomit. To say this movie is awful is one thing. To say it’s one of the worst films ever made in its respective genre is being too kind. Melissa Leo is Lillian, a respected actress who’s son Curtis is returning home from rehab. Within a few days, her son and his girlfriend are dead from what appears to be an overdose. Lillian suspects otherwise, and begins her hunt for the people who supplied the drug (called PMA here because why not) and concoct her plan for revenge. And what is that plan? On my life, I can’t make this up: she decides to direct her own play to star in, give herself a role that doesn’t have too big a part, go backstage whenever she’s not onstage and kill these people before returning to perform. It’s not a good plan considering her disguise is laughable. She may be donning face paint, but that’s it; her victims have seen her before and should automatically know who it is based on the bright red mane flowing from her head. But no. She also shows a frightening lack of emotion regarding her own sons death, so why she’s so motivated to kill these people is beyond me. She’s so sloppy doing it, and yet the cops are absolutely dumbfounded as to who’s dispatching these bodies. The main detective also makes a rather tasteless joke after one of her performances that she’s “got time to kill”. My head hurts, but we’re not done. Whatever drug she took to perform the way she does in this movie, I want and need, because it is absolutely inhuman the way she is performing. She goes beyond the realm of hamming it up and proceeds to treat the supposedly serious proceedings as if she’s a malfunctioning Jeff Dunham puppet. It’s insane, and not in a good way, and she comes out looking like a total fool. And I know you see Bella Thorne there. I do too. She gets second billing when her screen time has to amount to five minutes altogether. Unlike last years atrocious “Habit”, Thorne is simply just here. She doesn’t emote, she doesn’t perform. She’s just there. She’s a drug dealer/photographer/ex lover of Curtis who goes by the name of Taz. At this point, I feel as if I’m being messed with, but once again, thanks to the stupid screenwriting, no, her name actually is Taz. Thorne is useless here because it’s extremely clear she doesn’t care. By the time the film ends (on a revelation that’s never fully explained and a shot that makes zero sense), I wasn’t angry, but rather mystified. Why does this movie exist? I truly don’t understand. As for first time director, Peyfa, one film has proven to be FAR too many.
2. "Dashcam"
To accurately describe my viewing experience of “Dashcam”, it’s like if I got into the teacup ride at Disney, didn’t put my seatbelt on, the teacup suddenly spun out of control, whipped me around, threw me out at a speed of two miles an hour, made me bounce off a pole and propel me into a child’s backyard where I land on a trampoline and it bounces me out into the woods where I lie unconscious. This is one of the absolute worst films I’ve ever seen. Following an ungodly protagonist that the film can’t decide whether it likes or doesn’t, Annie (Annie Hardy) is a streamer that’s the host of this wretched show called “Bandcar”, a show where she freestyle raps viewers comments while driving. The major problem with this is that she can’t stay on beat most of the time; sometimes she doesn’t even say anything as she bobs her head. Annie is also ultra MAGA, and is extremely obnoxious about it. She cannot enter a room without making a snide comment about the pandemic and it’s restrictions. When she travels to London to visit her friend and his girlfriend, she immediately almost makes him lose his delivery job by acting like a total bitch inside of a restaurant, causing a major scene for no reason. She then decides, after not liking his friends girlfriend, that she’s gonna leave and steal his car while she’s at it. After being asked to deliver an older woman to a facility by a delivery customer, hell really starts to break loose, as the woman reveals herself to be a creature not of this earth. The acting is absolutely horrific; not a single person can deliver their lines normally and their attitudes, especially Annie, are atrocious all throughout. The pacing is fast, but that’s because, without credits, the film is only 68 minutes. Nothing really happens that’s exciting in that time, but whatever. Annie Hardy has the ability to act, but destroys her future prospects by fully embracing this character, one of the most unlikeable in memory. Once the films credits pop up, the film proceeds to go on for SEVEN AND A HALF MINUTES, as Annie raps the names of the crew in her car. This would be a good time to not list this movie on anyone’s resumé’s because the things she says about these people are rancid, including labeling people as rapists, molesters and sexual predators. The editing for the film is also a big problem. The film is presented as a continuous live stream with commenters coming in nonstop, pulling one out of the film. This happened in 2020’s “Spree” with Joe Keery, but that was a good movie. The commenters also are useless, not only spitting out slurs faster than you can say “What”, but they also disappear entirely from the third act as the stream loses connection. Why anyone would continue to hold their phone during this time is beyond me. Why this movie exists is beyond me. It’s a crime against the medium and a physical assault on anyone with eyes, ears and common sense.
1. "After Ever Happy"
The Best Films Of 2022
Honorable Mentions: Accepted; After Yang; Amsterdam; Aqua Teen Forever: Plantasm; Avatar: The Way Of Water; Barbarian; Batman: The Long Halloween; Beast; Black Adam; Black Panther: Wakanada Forever; Blacklight; Blue's Big City Adventure; Bodies Bodies Bodies; Bones And All; Breaking; Brian And Charles; Bros; Bullet Train; Catch The Fair One; Chains Of Redemption; Chip 'N Dale: Rescue Rangers; Clerks III; Confess, Fletch; Devotion; Doctor Strange In The Multiverse Of Madness; Dog; Don't Shoot The Piano Man; Emergency; Everything Everywhere All At Once; Fall; Father Stu; Firestarter; Fun.; Glass Onion; Guillermo Del Toro's Pinocchio; Halloween Ends; Hellraiser; I Wanna Dance With Somebody; Jackass Forever; Jackass 4.5; Jurassic World: Dominion; Last Looks; Leviticus; Lightyear; Lyle, Lyle, Crocodile; Marry Me; Memory; Men; Metal Lords; Moonage Daydream; Moonfall; Mrs. Harris Goes To Paris; Nope; Not Okay; On The Count Of Three; Orphan: First Kill; Pleasure; Pompo The Cinephile; Prey; Puss In Boots: The Last Wish; Scream; See How They Run; Smile; Sonic The Hedgehog 2; Spirited; Spoiler Alert; Strange World; Studio 666; TAR; Terrifier 2; The Adam Project; The Bad Guys; The Black Phone; The Devil You Know; The Enforcer; The Fabelmans; The Greatest Beer Run Ever; The Lost City; The Menu; The Most Hated Man On The Internet; The Northman; The Outfit; The Unbearable Weight Of Massive Talent; The Whale; Thor: Love And Thunder; Till; Triangle Of Sadness; Turning Red; Uncharted; Vengeance; Violent Night; Weird: The Al Yankovic Story; Windfall
10. "Ambulance"
9. "X" AND "Pearl"
Roughly six months later, a prequel followed. “Pearl”. One word. One syllable. One hell of a fabulous time at the picture show. The year is 1918. The Spanish Influenza is raging across the country. A young Pearl (Mia Goth) is living with her family, a domineering mother and a father in constant health pain. She dreams of being a star. She sees those girls dancing all in a line up on that screen in the picture and wants ever so desperately to be like them. She knows this is what she’s meant to do. After all, it is God’s wish. It’d be a terrible thing to let that wish go unfulfilled, now, wouldn’t it? You don’t have to have seen “X” to understand “Pearl”, but God, they are such perfect pieces of horror and cinema in general. Mia Goth is already my pick for best actress of the year. Her performance as Maxine in “X” was fierce and assured, but her performance here is tremendous. Every line, every emotion, every beat, and every monologue (including a very long, but showstopping one near the end) is perfectly performed by her. She strikes not one false note, and of course, the stuffy old wet farts at the Academy won’t allow her to even be nominated, simply because horror is “icky” to them. Who cares about them? Mia Goth is the queen supreme this year and everyone should see it as that. As for the rest of the film, it’s not as graphic as “X” both in violence and sexuality, but when it hits, it’s brutal, including a bizzare, yet delicious roll in the literal hay with a scarecrow and a picthfork through the mouth. Supporting performances are first rate, with Emma Jenkins-Purro as her Sister-In-Law Misty being a scene stealer in her own right. Relying more on suspense and tension rather than outright slasher methods, “Pearl” is triumphantly fantastic. If “X” was the “Texas Chainsaw Massacre”, “Pearl” is the “Halloween”. This is Mia Goth’s world, and I’m so pleased to be living in it. Say, what’s that alligator doing out there? Sure hope he’s friendly!
8. "Top Gun: Maverick"
7. "The Batman"
6. "Emily The Criminal"
5. "Elvis"
Elvis left the building decades ago, but “Elvis” rocks the house until the roof caves in. Austin Butler is absolutely terrific and utterly breathtaking as the man himself, giving his all and going the extra mile. The film chronicles his life primarily from 1955 up until his passing in 1977, with some flashbacks to 1947 thrown in for good measure. The film doesn’t shy away from where Elvis lifted his musical inspirations, but it’s ultimately a celebration of the man and the storied career he built and left behind. As his manager, Col. Tom Parker, Tom Hanks is menacing and evil as he only tries to see the bottom line for himself. Hanks is also magnificent.' some could argue that his character is nothing more than a standard villain archetype with an accent, and while that is, technically, the case here, he's still enrapturing to watch. The imagery and cinematography are pure aces and the soundtrack is brimming with classic music, as well as a few great originals like Doja Cat’s “Vegas” and “The King And I” by Eminem and CeeLo Green. “Elvis” is a biopic with style, flair and that wonderful feeling of making audiences wanna dance and sing along right with the film.
4. "The Banshees Of Inisherin"
3. "She Said"
“She Said”, arrives five years after the initial sexual assault stories broke out against Harvey Weinstein, is an absolute bonafide masterpiece in filmmaking. Reeling the viewers in and not letting go until the final seconds, the film is a tough, head on look at not just what these women went through, but what many others have gone through (and still go through) at any given time. At the center are the two reporters for The New York Times that broke this wide open: Jodi Kantor (Zoe Kazan) and Megan Twohey. Performances in this film are in top form. Kazan and Mulligan are incredible as these two women who launched, effectively, the “Me Too” movement. Both women slide into their roles so effortlessly, it’s scary. You can see the trepidation and determination running through these women’s faces throughout; conviction runs rampant and these two amazing actresses deserve endless acclaim. Other performances from Patricia Highsmith, Andre Braugher and Jennifer Ehle are amazing, with Ehle in particular breaking one’s heart and moving one to tears, as her portrayal of Laura Madden recounts being sexually assaulted at the hands of Weinstein. It had me choked up in the theater. Ashley Judd appears as herself, and she’s a wonderful anchor here. The film is faultless, with writing that’s consistently compelling, a terrific musical score by Nicholas Britell and a message that’s everlasting: You are not alone. This movie treats its stories victims with the utmost care and respect.
2. "Babylon"
1. "Marcel The Shell With Shoes On"
In 2010, 2011 and 2014, three short films were released to YouTube about a shell named Marcel who has shoes on. The shorts were then adapted in 2022 into a feature film, appropriately titled “Marcel The Shell With Shoes On”, and I wanna make it absolutely clear: this is the best film of 2022. The film is about Marcel (wonderfully voiced by Jenny Slate) who is visted by a documentarian (Dean Fleisher Camp, also the director) about his life and how he and his Nana Connie (warmly voiced by Isabella Rossellini) adapt to life being shells and all. When Marcel raises concerns about his missing family, Dean lends a helping hand to do what he can. Marcel is such a cute creation, an inquisitive little creature who speaks with confidence, yet shares a couple insecurities of his own. Jenny Slate, who voiced the character previously in the shorts, is a marvelous actress and a crackerjack voice talent. When she started her mainstream career in 2009 on SNL, she thought she was done; after all on her first episode, she slipped up and dropped an F-bomb on live TV. But Slate has been one of my favorite actresses. She can bring so much levity and gravitas to any role she plays or voices. This is evident with her live action roles like “Obvious Child”, “Gifted”, “Hotel Artemis” and this years “I Want You Back” and even more so with her voiceover work, like Miss Nanny on the wonderful “Muppet Babies”, Dawn Bellwether in “Zootopia” and Gidget in “The Secret Life Of Pets”. As Marcel, she is absolutely magnificent; nothing short of wonderful, perfectly embodying an inquisitive Young mind with just a touch of sass, a lot of love and care and a sense of adventure. In the role of Nana Connie, Isabella Rossellini is a heartwarming delight, reminding one of their own relationship with their parent of grandparent. As essentially himself, Dean Fleshier Camp (along with directing the film, also co-wrote it with Slate) is quiet, reserved, but delightful all the same. The film is tremendously funny (several times I was laughing heartily and loudly), very poignant and touching. There are at least two scenes that brought me to a teary mess. The musical score by DISASTERPIECE is pitch perfect, incorporating nature, island and ocean vibes all into one delectable package. To see “Marcel The Shell With Shoes On” is to witness a marvel of cinema. He may only be one inch tall, but Marcel is loud and full of energetic life and love. “Marcel The Shell With Shoes On” is 2022’s best film. I rarely call a film "Perfect", but "Marcel The Shell With Shoes On" is just that: Perfect.
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