The Best & Worst Of 2023

Another year has flown itself on by. The films were coming out at a fast rate, and while I was in attendance for seemingly all of them, most audiences didn't know of them until they hit home video, or streaming. Plenty of great films have gone under everyone's radars this year, primarily due to low advertising, little audience interest, or just a general lack of awareness.

The big movies of the year, however, did make quite an impact. While superhero films were drastically draining at the box office; an alarming amount of big studio superhero films bombed and have led studios to worry about future porspects. In reality, there was almost a new tentpole superhero film every month, and in the case of the MCU, people have now started to lose interest beacuse there's far too much of it. 

But look at two of the most succesful films of the year, released on the same day, creating a cultural phenomenon: Greta Gerwig's "Barbie" and Chritopher Nolan's "Oppenheimer", colliquially known as "Barbenheimer". Studios were shocked that Taylor Swift was able to swoop in and rake in $250 million worldwide like it was nothing. Sequels were aplenty, streaming caused concerns over original content staying on their platforms or not, theaters seemed more alive than ever, and audiences were in style no matter what the film was.

The usual suspects can be found here: Best performances of the year, best songs of the year and the worst and best films of the year. New this year are "Memorable Theater Experiences". good or bad, Let me regale my tales of my theater-going adventures for you to enjoy... hopefully. 

Best Performances Of 2023 [Best performance is highlighted in red for each category]

Best Actor

Christopher Abbott - "Sanctuary"
Jay Baruchel - "BlackBerry"
Dave Bautista - "Knock At The Cabin"
Tobin Bell - "Saw X"
Tom Blythe - "The Hunger Games": The Ballad Of Songbirds & Snakes"
John Boyega - "They Cloned Tyrone"
Nicolas Cage - "Dream Scenario"
Timothee Chalamet - "Wonka"
Bradley Cooper - "Maestro"
Tom Cruise - "Mission: Impossible - Dead Reckoning Part One"
Willem Dafoe - "Inside"
Matt Damon - "Air"
Paul Dano - "Dumb Money"
Eugenio Derbez - "Radical"
Leonardo DiCaprio - "Killers Of The Flower Moon"
Adam Driver - "Ferrari"
Zac Efron - "The Iron Claw"
Taron Egerton - "Tetris"
Michael Fassbender - "The Killer"
Harrison Ford - "Indiana Jones And The Dial Of Destiny"
Paul Giamatti - "The Holdovers"
Jake Gyllenhaal - "Guy Ritchie's The Covenant"
Jon Hamm - "Maggie Moore(s)"
Nicholas Hoult - "Renfield"
Glenn Howerton - "BlackBerry"
Aaron Jackson - "Dicks: The Musical"
Barry Keoghan - "Saltburn"
Joel Kinnaman - "Silent Night"
Zachary Levi - "Shazam! Fury Of The Gods"
Morgan McLeod - "Evenfall"
Tobias Menzies - "You Hurt My Feelings"
Cillian Murphy - "Oppenheimer"
Leslie Odom Jr. - "The Exorcist: Believer"
Joaquin Phoenix - "Beau Is Afraid"
Joaquin Phoenix - "Napoleon"
Ben Platt - "Theater Camp"
Chris Pine - "Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves"
Keanu Reeves - "John Wick: Chapter 4"
Dominic Sessa - "The Holdovers"
Josh Sharp - "Dicks: The Musical"
Jason Statham - "Operation Fortune: Ruse De Guerre"
Denzel Washington - "The Equalizer 3"
John David Washington - "The Creator"
Michael Jai White - "Outlaw Johnny Black"
Jeffrey Wright - "American Fiction"
Teo Yoo - "Past Lives"

Best Actress

Halle Bailey - "The Little Mermaid"
Melissa Barrera - "Scream VI"
Fantasia Barrino - "The Color Purple"
Emily Blunt - "Pain Hustlers"
Alison Brie - "Somebody I Used To Know"
Laure Calamy - "Full Time"
Sarah  Carleton - "Evenfall"
Julia Louis Dreyfuss - "You Hurt My Feelings"
Ayo Edebiri - "Bottoms"
Abby Ryder Forston - "Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret."
Julia Garner - "The Royal Hotel"
Lily Gladstone - "Killers Of The Flower Moon"
Molly Gordon - "Theater Camp"
Judy Greer - "Aporia"
Jessica Henwick - "The Royal Hotel"
Eve Hewson - "Flora And Son"
Sandra Huller - "Anatomy Of A Fall"
Lidya Jewitt - "The Exorcist: Believer"
Priya Kansara - "Polite Society"
Greta Lee - "Past Lives"
Emma Mackey - "Emily"
Thomasin McKenzie - "Eileen"
Maika Monroe - "God Is A Bullet"
Julianne Moore - "May December"
Carey Mulligan - "Maestro"
Olivia O'Niell - "The Exorcist: Believer"
Teyonah Paris - "They Cloned Tyrone"
Florence Pugh - "A Good Person"
Margaret Qualley - "Sanctuary"
Haley Lu Richardson - "Love At First Sight"
Margot Robbie - "Barbie"
Rachel Sennott - "Bottoms"
Cailee Spaeny - "Priscilla"
Emma Stone - "Poor Things"
Alyssa Sutherland - "Evil Dead Rise"
Aunjunae Ellis-Taylor - "Origin"
Teyana Taylor - "A Thousand And One"
Kristine Kujath Thorpe - "Sick Of Myself"
Sophie Wilde - "Talk To Me"
Allison Williams - M3GAN"
Lulu Wilson - "The Wrath Of Becky"
Shailene Woodley - "To Catch A Killer"
Rachel Zegler - "The Hunger Games: The Ballad Of Songbirds & Snakes"

Best Supporting Actor

Christopher Abbott - "Poor Things"
Scott Adkins - "John Wick: Chapter 4"
Ben Affleck - "Air"
Ben Aldridge - "Knock At The Cabin"
Swann Arlaud - "Anatomy Of A Fall"
Jason Bateman - "Air"
Jon Bernthal - "Origin"
Sterling K. Brown - "American Fiction"
James "Gappy" Burney - "Evenfall"
Nicolas Cage - "Renfield"
Willem Dafoe - "Poor Things"
Mat Damon - "Oppenheimer"
Patrick Dempsey - "Thanksgiving"
Robert De Niro - "Killers Of The Flower Moon"
Harris Dickinson- "The Iron Claw"
Peter Dinklage - "The Hunger Games: The Ballad Of Songbirds & Snakes"
Colman Domingo - "The Color Purple"
Stephen Dorff - "Mob Land"
Robert Downey Jr. - "Oppenheimer"
Jacob Elordi - "Priscilla"
Jacob Elordi - "Saltburn"
Ryan "Rip" Farley - "Evenfall"
Jsmie Foxx - "They Cloned Tyrone"
Morgan Freeman - "A Good Person"
Peter Georgo - "Pandemonium"
Ryan Gosling - "Barbie"
Milo Machado Graner - "Anatomy Of A Fall"
Hugh Grant - "Operation Fortune: Ruse De Guerre"
Jonathan Groff - "Knock At The Cabin"
Mark Hamill - "The Machine"
David Harbour - "Gran Turismo"
Corey Hawkins - "The Color Purple"
Steve Hergina (R.I.P.) - "Evenfall"
Ralph Ineson - "To Catch A Killer"
Nathan Lane - "Beau Is Afraid"
Nathan Lane - "Dicks: The Musical"
Ray Liotta - "Cocaine Bear"
Marshawn Lynch - "Bottoms"
Jonathan Majors - "Creed III"
Holt McCallany - "The Iron Claw"
Charles Melton - "May December"
Jason Momoa - "Fast X"
Rick Montgomery Jr. - "Evenfall"
Dermot Mulroney - "Scream VI"
Antoine Reinartz - "Anatomy Of A Fall"
Mark Ruffalo - "Poor Things"
Dar Salim - "Guy Ritchie's The Covenant"
Sean William Scott - "The Wrath Of Becky"
Stanley Simons - "The Iron Claw"
Kiefer Sutherland - "They Cloned Tyrone"
Justin Timberlake - "Reptile"
Jerry Lee Tucker - "Evenfall"
Shea Whigham - "Eileen"
Jeremy Allen White - "The Iron Claw"
Ramy Youssef - "Poor Things"

Best Supporting Actress 

Rachel Anderson - "Evenfall"
Ritu Arya - "Polite Society"
Hayley Atwell - "Mission: Impossible - Dead Reckoning Part One"
Awkwafina - "Renfield"
Halle Bailey - "The Color Purple"
Emily Blunt - "Oppenheimer"
Jenny Boswell - "Pandemonium"
Danielle Brooks - "The Color Purple"
Penelope Cruz - "Ferrari"
Viola Davis - "Air"
Lina Edwards - "Pandemonium"
Dakota Fanning - "The Equalizer 3"
Rebecca Ferguson - "Mission: Impossible - Dead Reckoning Part One"
America Ferrera - "Barbie"
Tina Fey - "Maggie Moore(s)"
Ariana Greenblatt - "Barbie"
Anne Hathaway - "Eileen"
Salma Hayek-Pinault - "Magic Mike's Last Dance"
Taraji P. Henson - "The Color Purple"
H.E.R. - "The Color Purple"
Lily James - "The Iron Claw"
Vanessa Kirby - "Napoleon"
Pom Klementieff - "Mission: Impossible - Dead Reckoning Part One"
Patti Lupone - "Beau Is Afraid"
Rachel McAdams - "Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret."
Megan Thee Stallion - Dicks: The Musical"
Megan Mullaly - "Dicks: The Musical"
Carey Mulligan - "Saltburn"
Niecy Nash - "Origin"
Alison Oliver - "Saltburn"
Jenna Ortega - "Scream VI"
Rosamund Pike - "Saltburn"
Natalie Portman - "May December"
Florence Pugh - "Oppenheimer"
Da'Vine Joy Randolph - "The Holdovers"
Michelle Rodriguez - "Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves"
Tracee Ellis Ross - "American Fiction"
Debbie Scaletta - "Evenfall"
Daniella Fillipone Simms - "Evenfall"
Tilda Swinton - "The Killer"
Charlize Theron - "Fast X"
Tessa Thompson - "Creed III"
Iman Vellani - "The Marvels"
Shailene Woodley - "Dumb Money"
Shailene Woodley - "Ferrari"
Terry Wylie - "Evenfall"

Best Vocal Performance

(Please note: even though they're both terrific films, I saw the original language dubs for "Suzume" and "The Boy And The Heron" and, thus, have not yet heard their english dub tracks as of this writing. Their cast listings will be omitted for the time being.)

Riz Ahmed - "Nimona"
Mamoudou Athie - "Elemental"
Awkwafina - "The Little Mermaid"
Elizabeth Banks - "Migration"
Jack Black - "The Super Mario Bros. Movie"
Bill Burr - "Leo"
Ice Cube - "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem"
Ariana DeBose - "Wish"
Daveed Diggs - "The Little Mermaid"
Taraji P. Henson - "PAW Patrol: The Mighty Movie"
Oscar Issac - "Spider-Man: Across The Spider-Verse"
Anya Taylor Joy - "The Super Mario Bros. Movie"
Carol Kane - "Migration"
Anna Kendrick - "Trolls Band Together"
Zachary Levi - "Chicken Run: Dawn Of The Nugget"
Leah Lewis - "Elemental"
Joel McHale - "Mortal Kombat Legeds: Cage Match"
Shameik Moore - "Spider-Man: Across The Spider-Verse"
Chloe Grace Moretz - "Nimona"
Kumail Nanjiani - "Migration"
Thandiwe Newton - "Chicken Run: Dawn Of The Nugget"
Chris Pine - "Wish"
Bella Ramsey - "Chicken Run: Dawn Of The Nugget"
Adam Sandler - "Leo"
Jason Schwartzman - "Spider-Man: Across The Spider-Verse"
Hailee Stienfeld - "Spider-Man: Across The Spider-Verse"
Cecily Strong - "Leo"
Justin Timberlake - "Trolls Band Together"
Shea Whigham - "Spider-Man: Across The Spider-Verse"

Best Songs For Film In 2023 [Best In Red]

(Note: yes, they had great soundtracks, fantastic even, but the soundtracks for "Air", "Guardians Of The Galaxy, Vol. 3" and "Tetris" are compilations of previous recordings. Sill, seek them out!)

"Adonis Interlude (The Montage)"
J. Cole
"Creed III"

"Am I Dreaming"
Roisee & A$AP Rocky
"Spider-Man: Across The Spider-Verse"

"Annihilate"
Swae Lee, Lil Wayne & Offset
"Spider-Man: Across The Spider-Verse"

"Better Place"
*NSYNC
"Trolls Band Together"

"Can't Catch Me Now"
Olivia Rodrigo
"The Hunger Games: The Ballad Of Songbirds & Snakes"

"Choose Your Fighter"
Ava Max
"Barbie"

"Dance The Night"
Dua Lipa
"Barbie"

"Datura"
$uicideboy$
"Fast X"

"Eye For An Eye"
Rina Sawayama
"John Wick: Chapter 4"

"Fear"
JasonMartin, Problem &T.I. featuring Freddie Gibbs, E-40 & Wallie The Sensei
"Fear"

"Hummingbird"
James Blake
"Spider-Man: Across The Spider-Verse"

"I'll Always Be On Top"
Josh Sharp & Aaron Jackson
"Dicks: The Musical"

"I'm Just Ken"
Ryan Gosling
"Barbie"

"In My Head"
Mike Shinoda & Kailee Morgue
"Scream VI"

"I Would Die For You"
In This Moment
"John Wick: Chapter 4"

"Keep It Movin'"
Halle Bailey & Phylicia Pearl Mpasi
"The Color Purple"

"Knowing What I Know Now"
Ariana DeBose & Cast
"Wish"

"Let's Ride [Trailer Anthem]"
YG & The Notorious B.I.G. featuring Ty Dolla $ign, Lambo4oe & Bone Thugs-N-Harmony
"Fast X"

"Lonley"
Nathan Lane & Megan Mullaly
"Dicks: The Musical"

"Miss Celie's Pants"
Fantasia Barrino & Ensemble
"The Color Purple"

"No One Understands"
Josh Sharp & Aaron Jackson
"Dicks: The Musical"

"Nothing Else Matters"
Jessie Murph
"Fast X"

"Out Alpha The Alpha"
Megan Thee Stallion
"Dicks: The Musical"

"Part Of Your World"
Halle Bailey
"The Little Mermaid"

"Push Da Button"
Taraji P. Henson
"The Color Purple"

"Shadows"
Kehlani
"Creed III"

"Speed Drive"
Charli XCX
"Barbie"

"Spinnin'"
EST Gee featuring Lil Durk
"Fast X"

"Steal The Show"
Lauv
"Elemental"

"Still Alive"
Demi Lovato
"Scream VI"

"Take It To The Top"
Becky G & Ayra Starr
"Spider-Man: Across The Spider-Verse"

"The Hanging Tree"
Rachel Zegler
"The Hunger Games: The Ballad Of Songbirds & Snakes"

"This Is The Thanks I Get?!"
Chris Pine
"Wish"

"This Wish"
Ariana DeBose
"Wish"

"Toretto"
J Balvin
"Fast X"

"Under The Sea"
Daveed Diggs & Cast
"The Little Mermaid"

"What Was I Made For?"
Billie Eilish
"Barbie"

"Won't Back Down"
Bailey Zimmerman & Dermot Kennedy featuring Youngboy Never Broke Again
"Fast X"

"Workin'"
Corey Hawkins & Ensemble
"The Color Purple"

"You Can't Give Up"
Josh Sharp & Aaron Jackson
"Dicks: The Musical"

Memorable Theater Experineces Of 2023!

In (roughly) chronological order, there were the most memorable theater experiences of 2023 that had, good or bad: LESDOIT

- Right off the bat, during a screening of “Plane”, the action film with Gerard Butler and Mike Colter, a woman brought her INFANT into the screening. Forty minutes into the film, the baby started crying and the mother sat there watching the movie, not paying any attention. An old man shouted “Why don’t you take that child out of here!” This not only angered the mother, but actually caused her to get into a heated argument with someone in her row almost leading to a fistfight. No managers or ushers were alerted and they left two minutes later. This, out of the thousands of movies I’ve been to, is the absolute worst theater experience I have yet to have.

- Countering that, when I attended an early screening of “Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves”, the audience for that was so overwhelmingly joyous and friendly, that it resulted in an exceedingly pleasant time. Fans of the source material cracked jokes at appropriate times and even helpfully explained some references to the uninitiated.

- Hosting “Evenfall”. Need I say more? Dustin did a fantastic job.

-For those unaware, Regal does these special screenings called “Mystery Movie Mondays”. Tickets are $5 and you see a film weeks in advance, but you don’t know what it is until it starts (or someone leaks it on Reddit). Most of these result in a handful of walkouts, mainly because people will generally go on a whim to try something new. The least amount of walkouts I’ve seen are for the films “Missing”, “Champions”, “Theater Camp”, “Dumb Money” and “Sisu”. The MOST amount of walkouts I see are usually for the horror films they’ve decided to show (people, for some reason, are weird about that, and it happened a lot at all of the horror screenings), but the most amount of walkouts I’ve seen are for the Owen Wilson film “Paint” and the horror film “It Lives Inside”. “Paint” sticks out as people literally kept dropping out after every scene.

- Even though I was the youngest one in there by about 25 years, the early screening of “Book Club: The Next Chapter” had a very enjoyable audience for a very sweet, comfort-like film.

- Finally saw myself in a feature film with Nick Muhlbach and Lou DeNardo’s “Calendar”. Surreal, but touching experience.

- In a scene from the horror film “The Boogeyman”, our main character rushes to the bathroom and retches into the toilet. In her mouth hangs a hair. She sloooowwwwly pulls this long, stringy hair out of her throat and finds a recently pulled tooth at the end of it. This caused the audience to react in disgust, and when the noises died down, I started laughing. This, in turn, caused the audience to laugh.

- I hosted Jordan Stinson’s “Pandemonium”, a solid film from a really, truly nice guy.

- “Sound Of Freedom” came from almost nowhere to be one of the biggest hits of the summer, and while fake and ridiculous conspiracy theories ran amok of AMC theaters trying to “sabotage” screenings of the film, I did have a very strange, rather unpleasant screening of it. When I purchased my ticket, it was for a smaller theater. When demand proved to be larger, they moved it into one of the bigger theaters. Naturally, when this happens, an usher will tell you before you go in: “Hey, we had a theater change, your new seat is B7.” I was told this, happily said ok, and went upstairs. Walked in, turned and saw an old couple in my seat. I immediately pulled my phone out that had my ticket on it, and politely said “Excuse me, I apologize, but this is my seat.” The woman immediately goes “OH NO, IT’S NOT!” And proceeds to go on for a minute about how they did this, that, etc. al. After this, I just repeated, “That’s my seat, though.” The woman said “We are not moving” and the husband said “Yup. Go get a manager.” So I did. I got an usher and precisely told him that these two didn’t wanna move and I came to grab him because they were itching for a conflict. He immediately understood and came in and politely told them to move. This caused them to get upset, until the usher realized, almost NO ONE paid attention to their seat changes. What happened primarily boils down to these people printing out their tickets from Fandango the day before the theater change, then immediately forgetting they were told new information and looked for their seat on the ticket once hitting the theater. He then told everyone they simply had to move back a row. They could stay in the same row-centric seats, just move from row D to E. This was the biggest inconvenience in the world to these people and took almost 10 minutes (herding frickin’ cattle). Another person came in and asked where their new seat was and was confused, and an angry patron pointed at me and said “He started it all!” A fifty year old. For god’s sake. The movie played shortly after, to the thunderous applause of all the old fogies.

- For the first time in my theater going life, the power fully went out and couldn’t come back on. I made it halfway through a month early screening of “Gran Turismo” and then had to head home. I then saw it at another early screening two weeks later, and even though it was torrentially raining outside, the film played with no issues. I was soaking wet, though. Worth it, it’s a great movie.

- The 20th anniversary screening of 2003’s cult hit “The Room”. Enough said.

- During one time, waiting in line to have my ticket scanned, a man angrily walked out and slammed the door because they “wouldn’t take his ticket”. The usher informed me he was in a regal and had bought tickets for AMC.

- “Barbenheimer”. Everyone was unified for that.

- Seeing “Barbie” again the following week with my love Molly

-Meeting Molly’s son Mason for “Paw Patrol: The Mighty Movie” was a big step for me, and that kid is amazing.

- My theater audience for “Taylor Swift: The Era’s Tour” was packed, but oddly respectful. They sang along, but those who danced actually did so at the back of the theater where no one could be bothered. During a slower song, a mother sitting next to me actually got up and danced with her daughters and it was probably the sweetest thing out of the whole three hour experience. In contrast, I had ONE other audience member for “Renaissance: A Film By Beyonce”, but they were so loud and energetic, it felt like a packed house. I didn’t mind at all, he was a funny as hell and sweet person.

- For sweetest day, I escorted Molly to a screening of “Dicks: The Musical”. It was my second viewing and her first. She laughed so loudly that it caused me to laugh. I was slightly worried we’d be asked to hush, but nope. This reminded me of when my mom and I saw “Ted 2” in 2015, and she laughed so loud and hard, she almost passed out.

- A scene in “Thanksgiving” has a security guard being killed when the camera ominously lingers on his cat. When the cat is shown to be spared and well-fed in the next shot, the theater ERUPTED in applause and cheers.

- Finally, the entire screening of “The Color Purple” was filled with a packed and PASSIONATE audience. When the film ended and the audience cheered and applauded, I couldn’t help but join in; I usually don’t clap at a movie because… they can’t hear you. But it felt right this time.

Let’s see what 2024 Brings!

The Most Overrated Film Of 2023

"Asteroid City"

Wes Anderson's trademark style has finally run thin and this proved very evident with his latest, "Asteroid City". It's not a terrible film by any means, but one I couldn't get onboard with; it's attitude is simply too smug for me to work, almost as if it expects everyone to like it. No dice, this time.

Runners Up: Shortcomings; Somewhere In Queens; The Inventor; The Lost King; The Miracle Club

The Most Underrated Film Of 2023

"The Exorcist: Believer"

Almost viciously hated upon release, David Gordon Green's foray into the world of "The Exorcist" is more thoughtful and wonderful than the general consensus would lead you to believe. A film that stands side by side with the original film, a classic and favorite of mine, it's haunting and rapturing.

Runners Up: Fast X; Five Nights At Freddy's; God Is A Bullet; Hypntoic; Kandahar; Maggie Moore(s); Mob Land; Reptile; She Came From The Woods; The Expendables 4

The Worst Films Of 2023

Dishonorable Mentions: 97 Minutes; Back On The Strip; Bang Bang Betty; Bloodthirst; Clock; Cocaine Cougar; Cocaine Shark; Consecration; Dead Man's Hand; Divinity; Dope Girls; Family Switch; Johnny & Clyde; Knights Of The Zodiac; Last Resort; Love Again; Maybe I Do; My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3; My Happy Ending; Nefarious; Night Cops; Outside; Peter Pan & Wendy; Pet Sematary: Bloodlines; Quasi; Reminiscing Shadows; Run Rabbit Run; She Came To Me; Shortcomings; Street Connected; Sweetwater; The Amazing Maurice; The Boys In The Boat; The Canterville Ghost; The Color Of Green; The Devil Conspiracy; The Last Bet; The Lost King; The Nun II; The Shift; The Tutor; Til Death Do Us Part; Unfinished Business; Vindicta; Warhorse One; White Men Can't Jump

10. "Winnie The Pooh: Blood And Honey"

When Christopher Robin (Nikolai Leon) returns from his voyage as a doctor, he finds that Pooh and Piglet have transformed into hideous and murderous beings. They won’t stop until everyone in their line of sight is dead, even if that means Christopher. So, yes, “Winnie The Pooh: Blood And Honey” has been lambasted as one of the years worst films, if not of all time, and while its notoriety has earned it a sequel (a mere two months away from writing), I am fully agreeing with worst of the year status. It’s not that it’s outright atrocious, but it somehow manages to do everything so incompetently and haphazardly. It’s very clear that Director Rhys Frake-Wakefield made the film solely as a gimmick as the copyright for the characters fell into Public Domain (Disney’s version of the characters are still copywritten as they are their own thing). As I stated with last years foul Grinch horror parody “The Mean One”, either embrace the concept fully or don’t do it at all, and once again, we have a movie that has a gimmick, a good one for a five minute “SNL” sketch, but clearly a piss poor one for feature length, that squanders its “vision” until its mere dust. Winnie and Piglet are stated, in a prologue, to have turned mad after Christopher left, causing them to turn to cannibalism and eat Eeyore. When we actually get a glimpse of these creatures, it’s embarrassingly obvious that it’s two actors in rubber masks (slow motion shots showing the characters getting hit visibly make the masks wobble) and actors that couldn’t care a cent that they’re here. They simply lumber around and wait for something to do in these masks that make no expressions (except for one, and only one, scene where poor CGI distorts Pooh’s mask to make it look like he is smiling). It’s also foolish that Pooh’s actor is wearing yellow rubber cleaning gloves to match the mask. A better conceit might have the actors actually being backwoods butchers who stumbled on these masks, but the movie makes it clear that this is Pooh and Piglet… at least tries to; scenes shot in darkness make it confusing at first which one is which. Plot wise? There’s a story? After Christopher’s wife is murdered, there’s a cabin by the hundred acre woods in which one woman goes to stay and four of her friends magically show up (as for what happens to their car after they park it, I have no idea). It’s a getaway? A retreat? What are their names? I was so distracted and bored, I was unable to gather basic necessities. One is named Maria. I remember that. They all have shaky accents; clearly British actors, some try to have American ones and they fail miserably. Acting is rudimentary and poor all around, and the violence and kills are run of the mill and limited. You have the whole 100 Acre Woods and you stick to a few trees close by and a cabin with a dusty garage. It doesn’t cost a thing to shoot in the woods. One kill that is memorable for the wrong reasons is a woman in a hot tub. She is not drowned, oddly enough, rather slowly taunted with a sledgehammer. First, these two ding dongs just sit there to see what she’s gonna do and hot tubs are NOT deep, so instead of simply standing and walking out of it, she sits there in fake abject horror and after two minutes of just sitting there, she gets the hammer. “Winnie The Pooh: Blood And Honey” is miserable and boring, and is about as bad as you’ve been hearing, but I will say the sketches that appear throughout the film as story-telling devices are rather well done, and even creepy looking. Then again, the film is from ITN distribution, a company known for taking low budget fare and creature features like this and eating it up for the sake of notoriety. Have they released a good film? They’ve released films.

9. "Insidious: The Red Door"

We last saw the Lambert clan as they were trying to forgo their memories of the mysterious “Further”, after the patriarch was consumed by haunted spirits and tried to kill them all. Nine years later, they’re back, and disconnected; Josh (Patrick Wilson) and Renai (Rose Byrne) have divorced and the kids are taking it as well as they can. After oldest Dalton (Ty Simpkins) is taken to college, he experiences visions before he realizes that he might be able to astral project. When “Insidious” hit theaters in 2011, it was a sleeper hit that served as a spooky chamber piece that gets more effective the more one watches it. Sequel “Chapter 2” and prequels “Chapter 3” and “The Last Key”, failed more than miserably to capture the success of the first and were terrible experiences to boot. “Insidious: The Red Door” has advertised itself as a true-blue continuation and one fans won’t be disappointed by. Unfortunately, that’s far from the case, as this installment falls into the same failed traps the other sequels did, while finding new ones. The scares are completely tame and absent and the atmosphere is rather lifeless, and not in the intended way. Being under two hours, this film wastes time and drags its feet so much, that you wonder if anything worthwhile is going to happen. It never does. The humor is frequently unfunny, and comic sidekicks Specs and Tucker (Leigh Whanell and Angus Sampson) are thankfully relegated to a thirty second cameo; they were never that funny to begin with. As a matter of fact, a few key players are wildly underused. Franchise mainstay Lin Shaye, who’s performance gets a bit snarkier with every film, is shown onscreen for two minutes, at most, while Rose Byrne has less than what has to be ten minutes, if you count the flashbacks to the first two films. Why bring them back only to have them do absolutely nothing? Ty Simpkins is so morose and lifeless as Dalton, and he’s our main character. Aren’t we lucky? Patrick Wilson (who also directs, but, and this is no offense to him, doesn’t bring any sort of discernible style to the proceedings) is the only person trying here and his scenes are the most interesting as he struggles with a trick memory, but in the end, it means nothing as the film follows the paces until the credits pop up. As for Foster (Andrew Astor), their other child? You’re lucky if he pops up for a couple minutes. Insidious: The Red Door” is the worst of the series by a small hair, simply because they sat there and promised you things, only to severely underdeliver and give you a half-assed, logically nonsensical and insulting sequel. A half hour in, Dalton and his roommate Chris (Sinclair Daniel) attend a frat party; for no reason it’s infant themed. They are served chocolate pudding that’s in bowls that are made to resemble shitty diapers. Very rarely has a movie served me shit in some kind of form, but at least it’s being honest with itself. I beg: please no more of these films; don’t insult people like this.

8. "The Hill"

Well… where to begin? “The Hill” portrays the story of baseball player Rickey Hill (Colin Ford; Jesse Bradley in the first half as a young boy), as he overcomes a physical handicap (both of his legs being in braces) to accomplish his one true goal: baseball. With faith in the lord and some pushback from his pastor father (Dennis Quaid), he plans to find the strength to succeed. Sounds innocuous enough, right? Generic, but there could be something there. “The Hill” is one of the most incompetent films I’ve ever seen. What I don’t get is that it says it’s based on a true story and even gives a text epilogue about the real Ricky Hill, and yet the end credits disclaimer claims “The story and characters in this film are fictitious.” WHAT?! Everything in the film is done so wrong that it’s nearly impossible to condense it for a summation… BUT I shall try. The films content has to do with baseball, about 25%-30% of the time. This is a straight-up religious film, through and through, and a bizarrely moronic one at that. Acting is unanimously terrible. Dennis Quaid portrays the patriarch of the Hill family as a drunken fanatic. He seems very out of it half the time he’s onscreen, and the other half, especially when he’s sermonizing, he reminds of that wack-job preacher Kenneth Copeland. Bonnie Bedelia is the cliche crotchety grandma, doing nothing but sitting there in unconvincing makeup and harping and harping. She even utters “That tears it!” And to think Bruce Willis saved her TWICE in the first two “Die Hard”’s. Hmm. The child actors, to put it nicely, are not good, but they do seem to be happy to be here. When they flash to adults, the actors are now as charming as dry paint. Randy Houser plays Randy Houser. Sometimes he wears a cowboy hat. The writing is ungodly atrocious- actually, this might be one of the worst scripts I’ve ever seen put on screen. Dialogue is hilariously awful and repetitive (a one dimensional bully calls Ricky “Robot Boy” 13 times because why not?). The music score is terrible, very mediocre, low-effort stuff that, in at least two scenes, almost over powers the dialogue. “The Hill” is far too long at 126 minutes and gives no reason for us to care, and even further reason for us to remember it’s existence come a year from now. This is one of the worst and most misguided religious films I’ve ever seen, but at least it’s a hair better than “God’s Not Dead” and “Kirk Cameron’s Saving Christmas” (the worst religious film I’ve ever seen) simply because it does have a heart… somewhere.

7. "About My Father"

Sebastian Maniscalco (playing himself) is in love with his girlfriend Ellie (Leslie Bibb). To properly propose, his father Salvo (Robert De Niro) has to accompany him on a weekend trip to her parent’s summer house for fun and wacky shenanigans. “About My Father” is dreadfully unfunny and manages to give the viewer second hand embarrassment from the amount of jokes that hit the wall at full speed ahead with the force of a punch hitting your jaw. The film is beyond incompetent at supplying the one thing it’s supposed to: fun. The writing is sub-par, with the material never rising above a failed sitcom pilot. Watch the laughs never come as Sebastian loses his swim trunks! The joke is his ass is out. Watch as the family constantly point out that they have peacocks running around! The joke is it’s not an average pet. Watch as Salvo tries to pay for his own sandwich at a country club! The joke is that he’s among the rich and shouldn’t have to do that. Whatever appeal Maniscalco has as a comedian is fully lost upon watching this film; he’s either incredibly bland and forgettable, and when he isn’t, he comes off as smug and arrogant. His over the top narration through the film is awful, with an exaggerated accent and unfunny stereotype humor; Italians love “Rocky”, did you know that? De Niro fares better, but is given next to nothing to do but sneer at things that seem askew. He does get two, maybe three, chuckles; so much for small favors. De Niro also sounds as if he’s suffering from a cold through the film. If he was sick and giving up time to rest to shoot this turd, I feel bad. The other performances are pretty much the same, with Anders Holm badly sticking out as the older brother, Lucky; he is obnoxious and irritating, and not in an endearing way. As the film wraps up, I was left with nothing substantial to hold onto. Filled with barely a laugh and an obnoxious, smug attitude, “About My Father” is totally atrocious.

6. "Money Shot: The Pornhub Story"

Adult entertainment was a thing you used to have to travel to stores for. Video stores had sections for them, and they’d hand you your stuff in black bags. With the advent of the internet, a little website came along in 2008 that revitalized everything, but it came with a price. Netflix back with their latest titillating documentary film: “Money Shot: The Pornhub Story”, and before sitting down to view this, I was ready to be informed on stuff I didn’t know about. Was I? Yes… but not in an appropriate way. To be as blunt as possible, this is a wretched and flat out irresponsible film in every way, and the worst documentary I’ve ever seen; come to think of it, it’s the first documentary I’ve actually disliked. Where does it all go wrong? Well, first, I wouldn’t title this movie like it’s the definitive, be all, end all exposé on this company as it barely focuses on the start and rise of the company and focuses on one specific controversy before abruptly ending. Interviewing several smaller adult content creators (the big names are never even referenced, making one question why to even do this in the first place), they describe their routines, and I’m sorry, but they’re not as interesting as Netflix thinks they are; I really didn’t need a solid TWO MINUTES of one creator showing how she rates customer’s wee-wee’s. Why is this necessary? The film eventually focuses on the concern brought forth by lawmakers that anyone could upload anything, which eventually led to illegal content being put on the site and showcasing cases of Human Trafficking. When we get to hear from these people (which is shockingly little), they are compelling to hear from, but they’re frustratingly cut short. So fine, it’s a poorly done documentary, Kyle, what’s the big deal? As the film ramps up and begins the human trafficking discussion, it naturally cuts to these creators and how they feel about it. What made me physically sick was the fact that nearly all of them showed little concern for the fact that this was happening and are focused more on losing out on income then protecting literal children, in some cases. They carry this mentality of “Like yeah, it’s bad, but it doesn’t affect all of us.” HOW? YOU ARE ON THE WEBSITE HOSTING IT. THATS TERRIBLE. Granted they were not WILLINGLY allowing it, but still, for god’s sake, have some god blessed decency. Aside from the brief focus on the people driving forth the cases (and the documentary never even interviews the leading lady behind it all, despite repeatedly championing her), and a funny aside at the beginning regarding whether or not a script writer for this content is a job, “Money Shot: The PornhubStory” is an absolute disgrace. And if I have to see one more of these documentaries open with a shot of an empty chair, followed by a person walking into frame, sitting in it and staring at the camera, or have a slate being shown as the subject gets comfortable, I’m gonna scream, because that’s exactly what’s done here, and it’s insulting.

5. "Beautiful Disaster"

Abby (Virginia Gardner) is a very good girl. She wears sweaters, she goes to college for an education and likes being in bed in a timely fashion. When she happens to meet Travis “Mad Dog” Maddox (Dylan Sprouse), her world is turned upside down, as this bad boy threatens her good girl status. One could be forgiven for thinking that “Beautiful Disaster” is a parody of such atrocious fare like the infamous “After” series and the even more infamous “365 Days” trilogy. Alas, it is very sincere and takes itself too seriously, to the point that, yes, it is as bad as those aforementioned films. The story is ludicrous to an absurd degree; Abby and Travis meet at an underground fight club happening close or in the vicinity of campus, and he gets blood on her sweater. This throws her into a tizzy for some reason, but she doesn’t seem to be that upset at this because she’s in the shower that night, her mouth open like a dog begging for water as she thinks about his glistening abs. After a fight in which Travis wins, a bet is enacted wherein if he wins, she has to sleep with him. She goes through with this for no reason other than the simple fact that she’s a woman of her word. ‘K. Abby is revealed to be a champion poker player; for awhile this information is tossed aside until a third act in which it suddenly turns into 2008’s “21” and she has to play her way through the poker tables to raise money to bail her gambling addicted father out of debts. This movie is all over the place and ridiculous. Travis is supposed to be an alpha-male type, but instead he behaves more like a thirteen-year old child that likes playing “Call Of Duty” too much. Gardner and Sprouse are talented performers, but give bottom of the barrel performances through and through; Gardner goes into idiot mode anytime Travis is around, and Travis, well, Sprouse trying to act like a bad boy is painful to watch. The writing is like someone took a piece of paper, a crayon and a juice box and two hours later, this popped out. The sex is very unsexy, highlighted by a scene in which the two get extremely aggressive in a hotel room and literally throw each other around. They do this so hard, that a cat screeching is heard. No cat is ever seen, but heard. Cinematography is flat, pacing is very languid (at 95 minutes, it feels twice that long), and the film ends up leading ultimately nowhere… that is until the sequel is out, which unfortunately has been confirmed as being in post production as of this writing. “After” and its foul fecal infecting sequels started a trend, and I hate every moment of it.

4. "My Fault"

Nothing on God’s green earth can even prepare you for how out of this world ridiculous “My Fault” is. I have to issue a trigger warning right here as this film revolves around some of the grossest stuff I’ve seen in a motion picture. My life is now being swarmed by clones of the atrocious “After” series; I thought I was safe, but along came “Beautiful Disaster”, “365 Days” and now “My Fault”, a Spanish-language film based on, what else, a Wattpad story. Whoever created the original work that this is based on should honestly be looked into, because this is NOT NORMAL. The film, like these other “romance” films behind it, features a young 17-year old girl who moves to a new home to be with her mother and her new stepfather. When she meets her new stepbrother, however, she starts getting *feelings*. Soon Noah (Nicole Wallace) and Step-Bro Nick (Gabriel Guevara) begin to navigate the steps of love. Never mind that they’re family; they actively take excitement and joy in the very prospect of doing such an activity. Mind you, Noah IS 17, so when she and her step brother start kissing (filled with deep tongue and all), he says “We can’t, you’re 17 and I’m your stepbrother” to which she replies “So kiss me until I’m 18.” Thus they commence on a romance normally utilized for people in the Deep South. If you think they make it through the movie without making love, you must be new here, because they do, on a beach, and it’s supposed to be beautiful because a lighthouse shines on them, but it instead is deeply uncomfortable. This is NOT discouraged by the filmmakers, who actively think this is a beautiful love story they’re telling. EW!!!! Acting is slightly better than films mentioned previously, but that doesn’t excuse the fact that what’s happening IS happening. The dialogue is horrendous and absolutely vile, the film has car races and chases, an obvious poor man’s “Fast & Furious” that are edited poorly, and then, we’re introduced, for dramatic purposes, to Noah’s father, recently released from prison for trying to kill her and her mother when she was younger. This is played as entertainment and for thrills when he comes back and kidnaps his daughter for kicks. The actor portraying him takes far too much pleasure in acting like this, making it all the more unsettling for the wrong reasons. This in turn causes Noah to feel as if her being tortured like this and being pursued by her own step brother is her fault, but the filmmakers never explore anything like this any deeper because they have other shallow and gross things to get to. Gang member Ronnie has a haircut that looks absolutely awful, like the barber wanted to dick with him, and decreasing his threatening demeanor to 0. Filled with a romance that is immoral any way you spin it and gross treatment of offensive material, “My Fault” actually made me physically ill and nearly vomit from its falsely intentioned “sweet” ending. Whoever thought for one second that this would be OK for any reason needs to be arrested. Absolutely disgusting.

3. "Mafia Mamma"

Kristin (Toni Collette) is a typical suburbanite mother who gets a call from Rome informing her that her grandfather has died. Once traveling to Rome, she is presented his video will; his last wish? For her to become the boss of the mafia family she has just discovered she is a part of. Thus is the premise of the ”comedy” film “Mafia Mamma”, a film so inept and so far removed from reality that to sit and view it, one can feel each minute being ripped away from them. One has to lay some blame on Toni Collette, a tremendous performer in other films (even in movies I don’t care for, such as 2018’s “Hereditary”, she’s terrific) as she’s a producer on this project. She willingly threw money away on this project and I cannot see what the appeal is. Her performance is grating, as well; playing Kristin, this character is not given any detectable arc or pathos through the film, and remains the same person she was at the beginning. You’d think being put through a weird fairy tale like premise would change something in her, but it doesn’t. The plot makes no sense whatsoever, as Kristin hasn’t seen her grandfather since she was an infant, so why exactly she’s picked is beyond any reasonable thought. The films humor is present, but not at all funny, relying on cheap failed sitcom pilot gags, gross out humor (a scene where Collette pukes on a dead body isn’t funny, but when she drops her phone in said puke and tries fishing it out, it’s still not funny, and now I’m more annoyed), or offensive stereotypes. Kristin is the epitome of a sterotypical suburban mother, down to the fact that she’s being cheated on by her lame husband, she’s been sexually repressed, she’s an overbearing mother and she LOVES wine. The Italian characters fare even worse as they all resemble pitiful tropes and cliches. They make wine, they’re all crooks and criminals, they speak in over the top body language and speak in frazzled Italian gibberish when Kristin Mentions she has not seen “The Godfather”, a gag that goes nowhere. The few action scenes or gunfights here are atrociously assembled and executed. Every character handles their gun poorly, waving them around like toys, and displaying bad trigger discipline (even the cops here). The Would-be Rome Cinematography is non existent as the film reuses a lot of the same sets and could’ve taken place in Chicago. It’s flat, looks ugly and isn’t at all appealing. The supporting performers are all loud and obnoxious, feeling as if they need to fight Collette for screen time. A recurring gag where the title of “Eat Pray Love” is changed to “Eat Pray Fuck” is not funny the first time and grating the fifteenth time. “Mafia Mamma” was directed by Catherine Hardwicke, who’s made films like “Lords Of Dogtown”, the passionate first “Twilight”, and 2003’s “Thirteen”, one of my all time favorite films. What she saw here and what she’s doing here is mystifying to me. The film takes the core fairy tale magic of 1990’s “Pretty Woman”, a fabulous movie, turns it upside down and dumps all over it like a diarhettic dog. “Mafia Mamma” is atrocious, dreadfully unfunny and offensively stereotypical. It insults everyone who even utters the title out loud, a title so putrid, that it removes nearly all the cringe from “Miss Congeniality 2: Armed & Fabulous” as the stupidest title to say out loud.

2. "Anyone But You"

A one night stand that is more shallow than expected, Ben (Glen Powell) and Bea (Sydney Sweeney) meet back up several months later for the marriage of Bea’s sister in Australia. The family wants everything to go smoothly, and if that means fooling everyone into thinking they’re the perfect couple, so be it. I noticed before that “Anyone But You” had nonexistent advertising and alluded to the fact that Sony may have been surreptitiously trying to bury it. They should’ve taken it out back and shot it. This is a wretched, soulless and embarrassingly awful “comedy” that does nothing but sit there and insult the audience without so much as a care in the world. The plot may not make sense (and for comedies, they don’t have to be airtight), but it really is nonsensical as Ben and Bea don’t look as if they can stand to be around each other, even during the scenes where they’re supposed to be romantic and lovey-dovey. This is not helped whatsoever by Powell and Sydney’s amateurish performances. Powell impressed mighty with 2022’s awesome “Top Gun: Maverick”, and Sydney has done solid work in the past, but they are given nothing to work with. Sydney’s every line delivery sounds like it hurts her physically, and is unconvincing, while Powell is aggressively smug and a sour attitude. Do you remember 2005’s “Into The Blue”? It was a solid, fluffy and fun adventure film with Paul Walker and Jessica Alba. I bring that film up because one of the big criticisms of that film is how much it lingered on those two’s chiseled physiques. This movie does the same thing, ogling the actor’s bodies as if their lives depended on it. Humor is non-existent, unless you find Powell stripping completely naked because a spider has crawled up his ass funny (hint: it’s not). The phrase “fuck-boy” is used too many times, and one-liners hit the ground with a thud. Supporting work is static and useless, including from the reliable Dermot Mulroney, who’s required to act like an idiot. The script is a disaster, the comedic situations wouldn’t pass muster in a porn, and music cues are flat (how the hell could you make Natasha Beddingfield’s iconic “Unwritten” so unappealing? They found a way). And what of the Australian cinematography and scenery? Pretty much nonexistent; they easily could’ve filmed this on a beach in Florida and no one would’ve known the difference. By the time the film concludes on its sappy, phony and forgone conclusion, the damage had been done (and is further trashed with a wretched singalong of the aforementioned “Unwritten” during the credits that is so awkward, I’m cringing thinking about it). “Anyone But You” is a horrible, vile and ugly film with a smug and rotten attitude that aggressively treats its audience like scum. A message to studio execs: people out there are a lot smarter than you give them credit for and don’t deserve trash like this. I’d rather throw up and look at my regurgitated stomach acid for two, solid hours. It’d be more exciting.

1. "After Everything"

Other than the fact that Tessa (Josephine Langford) is questionably absent for most of this installment, aside from flashbacks, (she actually does not show up until the film is almost over, leading one to question why a main lead is absent for so long), “After Everything” is the fifth time we’ve been around this block, one that’s more unpleasant than the worst part of East Cleveland. But instead of dissecting why this film gets everything wrong (and it disastrously does), I think it’s time for some reflections. What have I learned? That’s a very good question. I’ve learned a lot. For starters, the first film came out when I was 20. I am now 25. I have grown, these characters have not. I’ve learned that out of every single movie franchise that I’ve ever laid witness to, the “After” series of films is by far the worst. I’ve learned that Langford and Hero Fiennes Tiffin are dreadful actors who will not give themselves chances to work on actual good movies. I’ve learned that they flounder whenever they have to do or say anything. I’ve learned that the writing in all of these movies is no better than a small child telling you a random story that makes zero sense and you question just what’s going on inside that brain of theirs. I’ve learned that the cinematography is drab and flat. I’ve learned what these movies think are hot: this being a man with the tall, lanky build of Jack Skellington from “The Nightmare Before Christmas” that mopes around, drinks and has poor looking henna tattoos. I’ve learned that the “love” scenes are no better than taking two dolls and jamming them together repeatedly for 32 seconds. I’ve learned that women in these films are not of this earth, they’re just here to be a man’s plaything and at his beck and call. I’ve learned that you can recast a role every single film and no one will care. I’ve learned you can hound and stalk a woman until they love you and give you what you want. Man, look at what I’ve learned. Nothing good, isn’t it? In summation, “After Everything” is a toxic cesspool of filth, with horrible characters, an abusive and weird romance that works none of the time, actors who look as if they’ve taken one acting class for ten minutes and decided it was good enough, poor writing, bad music, wretched attitudes and a need to destroy everything good in it’s path. Everything wrong with movies can be found in this series of films. I’ve seen true crime documentaries that are more uplifting and hopeful. But you know what? This is it. This is the last one. THE FINAL CHAPTER, just like the poster says. I put up with all FIVE disastrous pieces of garbage, I don’t have to put up with this shit anymore! As the film concluded (with what has to be one of the ugliest and misguided final five minutes I’ve seen), and the credits came on, I heard the faint voice of a legend… his name? Kenny Loggins… because I’m… I’m… I’M FREE!

The Best Films Of 2023

Honorable Mentions: A Good Person; Air; American Fiction; American Symphony; Anonymous Sister; Aporia; Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret.; A Thousand And One; Beau Is Afraid; BlackBerry; Bottoms; Chicken Run: Dawn Of The Nugget; Cocaine Bear; Creed III; Dicks: The Musical; Dream Scenario; Dumb Money; Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves; Eileen; Elemental; Emily; Evenfall; Evil Dead Rise; Extraction 2; Ferrari; Five Nights At Freddy's; Flora And Son; Full Time; Godzilla Minus One; Gran Turismo; Guardians Of The Galaxy, Vol. 3; Guy Ritchie's The Covenant; Hollywood Dreams & Nightmares: The Robert Englund Story; How To Blow Up A Pipeline; Hypnotic; Indian Jones And The Dial Of Destiny; Inside; John Wick: Chapter 4; Judy Blume Forever; Jules; Kandahar; Killers Of The Flower Moon; Knock At The Cabin; Leo; Love At Fist Sight; Maestro; Maggie Moore(s); Magic Mike's Last Dance; May December; M3GAN; Mob Land; Monster Inside: America's Most Extreme Haunted House; Napoleon; Of An Age; Operation Fortune: Ruse De Guerre; Oppenheimer; Outlaw Johnny Black; Pain Hustlers; Pandemonium; Please Don't Destroy: The Treasure Of Foggy Mountian; Polite Society; Priscilla; Quiz Lady; Radical; Renaissance: A Film By Beyonce; Renfield; Reptile; Rye Lane; Sanctuary; Saw X; Scout's Honor: The Secret Files Of The Boy Scouts; Scream VI; Shazam! Fury Of The Gods; She Came From The Woods; Sick; Sick Of Myself; Silent Night; Sisu; Skinamarink; Sly; Society Of The Snow; Somebody I Used To Know; Still: A Michael J. Fox Movie; Strays; Suzume; Talk To Me; Taylor Swift: The Eras Tour; Tetris; Thanksgiving; The Beanie Bubble; The Blackening; The Boy And The Heron; Theater Camp; The Creator; The Equalizer 3; The Exorcist: Believer; The Expendables 4; The Hatchet Weidling Hitchhiker; The Holdovers; The Hunger Games: The Balld Of Songbirds & Snakes; The Killer; The Little Mermiad; The Machine; The Marvels; The Pigeon Tunnel; The Royal Hotel; The Super Mario Bros. Movie; The Wrath Of Becky; They Cloned Tyrone; To Catch A Killer; Transformers: Rise Of The Beasts; Trolls Band Together; Unwelcome; Victim/Suspect; Wish; Wonka; You Are So Not Invited To My Bat Mitzvah; You Hurt My Feelings

10. "The Color Purple"

Much like the original film, Celie (Fantasia Barrino) has a hard life and it gets even worse once she’s scooped up by an abusive man, known only to her as “Mister” (Colman Domingo), trapped in an endless nightmare of a marriage and ripped from her sister Nettie (Halle Bailey). As she grows into an adult and older woman, she starts finding her footing, slowly but surely. Both film versions tell the same story, though the 1985 film is straightforward, and the new 2023 film is a musical. This might seem eyebrow raising to some given that this is a very depressing, but ultimately empowering, story to go through, but “The Color Purple” never ever calls attention to itself whenever a song does appear. Naturally weaving themselves into the narrative, they are frequently engaging and showstopping tunes that will guarantee a long stay in theaters. Is it better than the original? That’s up to the viewer to decide; for me, I felt that since it’s being told in a different way, it’s more difficult to compare, but they both are tremendously powerful films. Fantasia Barrino is outstanding as Celie, making the role her own while also reminding, in a positive way, of the great work Whoopi Goldberg did before. Colman Domingo is very good as the despicable “Mister”; Taraji P. Henson owns the role of Shug Avery; Corey Hawkins is his charming self as Harpo and Halle Bailey is very much rising to become one of the best screen actors of her generation as Nettie. Supporting work from recording artist H.E.R. And Phylicia Pearl Mpasi round out the terrific ensemble. The film is very much it’s own beautiful product, while sticking very closely to the original story, with a few nips and tucks here and there (for example, Sophia (Danielle Brooks) doesn’t have too much interaction with Ms. Millie here). A quiet cameo from one of the stars of the original film at the beginning is a very sweet touch. “The Color Purple” is tough material to get through, but much like its main protagonist, it’s all worth it to see the light on the other side. Judging from the packed audiences saw the film with, many others will feel the same.

9. "Anatomy Of A Fall"

Samuel (Samuel Theis) is dead, having fallen from the 3rd floor balcony of his home. His wife, Sandra (Sandra Huller) is shocked and devastated to come upon the scene… until people start questioning her and fingers get pointed her way. Winner of this years Palme D’Or at the Cannes Film Festival (one of the most prestigious awards a film can get) “Anatomy Of A Fall” is proof, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that a film can be compelling and intense without so much as raising its voice or fastening the pace. Strictly moving at a natural pace, the films tension arises out of the growing uncertainty of who to trust. I fully believe it is the natural flow of the dialogue that encapsulates the viewer and makes things more engaging than it would have otherwise. That’s especially commendable given that the film is 152 minutes, and it never once drags its feet. The story is consistently surprising and each revelation is well-earned without any of the filmmakers reaching. Sandra Huller is terrific through and through as Sandra, doing the best she can to not let her emotions overtake her while also trying her damndest to maintain her innocence; Huller is brilliant. As her son, Daniel, Milo Machado-Graner is so naturalistic, he’s perfect; his emotional range is fully utilized to the best of his ability and he knocks every scene out of the park. As Sandra’s lawyer and friend, Vincent, Swann Arlaud is frequently surprising as a lawyer more calm and reigned in than normal. He’s very humanistic, but so quietly no-nonsense, it’s astonishing. Antoine Reinartz gives one of the best performances of the year as The Prosecutor (his character name), challenging every one of the cases points with infuriating logic. He is frequently compelling, and I want him in more films. Finally, as the Ill-fated Samuel, Samuel Theis is only here for a brief period of time, but he makes the most of his time as a figure that’s troubled, but not unsympathetic. In just a few scenes, Theis crafts a full three-dimensional character like it’s nothing. “Anatomy Of A Fall” is a terrific film, one of the very best of the year. Please don’t miss it.

8. "Spider-Man: Across The Spider-Verse"

When we last saw Miles Morales (voiced by Shameik Moore), he was saving the multiverse from peril as Spider-Man. Now, called upon by Gwen (Hailee Steinfeld), there’s an even bigger threat looming, and about several thousand more Spider-Men & Women to go with it. “Spider-Man: Across The Spider-Verse” does what a true, grand sequel should do: take exactly what worked in the previous film, expands on it and adds so much more. “Into The Spider-Verse” was unusually great among a surge in the character’s films, but “Across” makes sure the viewer knows that it’s not playing around. The voice work is stellar, with support from an incredible Oscar Isaac and Jason Schwartzman. The animation is by far and away immaculate. This is a film begging to be seen more than once; once this hits Blu-ray and 4K in a few months, you could pause any one frame and drink in all of the various art styles and vibrant colors. The action sequences are consistently thrilling and the pacing is fast and engaging. This movie is 140 minutes, the longest animated film to date, and it really doesn’t feel that long. In terms of sequels, it’s one of the best to come along in recent years, as great as “Spider-Man 2”, “X2: X-Men United” and “Guardians Of The Galaxy, Vol. 2”. Bonus points for making a TRUE PG Rated film (it treats kids very maturely and there’s a nice amount of language) and a great soundtrack cue of the classic Bobby “Blue” Bland track “Ain’t No Love In The Heart Of The City”. Without spoiling anything, the film ends on a fantastic cliffhanger, leaving people, myself included, salivating for more.

7. "Fast X"

A decade ago, Dominic Torretto (Vin Diesel), Brian O’Connor (the late Paul Walker) and the rest of his team, ripped a safe out of a vault in Brazil. What they didn’t know: they stole the life hood of Dante Reyes (Jason Momoa) and killed his father. With his past coming back, Dom and the rest of his crew are under attack and Dante isn’t stopping until the suffering is through. “Fast X” is a severe amount of awesome exhilaration and fun, and while the last entries have been tremendously great, this feels like the first installment to carry on that kinetic and heartfelt energy 2015’s “Furious 7” had. An early prologue melding new scenes with archival footage from “Fast Five” is seemless, and it is bittersweet to get to see Walker on film again so long after his passing. These films really do make sure his legacy and spirit lives on. The action scenes are absolutely bonkers and a joy to watch, from an out of control bomb in Rome, to an assault on the Torretto House, to a cannon car, this film is having so much fun, it’s infectious. The returning cast are great, with Diesel his charming self, and Michelle Rodriguez still kicking ass as Letty. Charlize Theron is back as Cipher and her one on one with Letty is a joy to watch. New cast members are fun: Daniella Melchior as a street racer with a tie to Dom’s past (aren’t they all?); Brie Larson as Tess, Mr. Nobody’s daughter, and Alan Ritchson as Aimes, an operative who wonders why these guys have been allowed to cause this much chaos for so long. And then there’s Jason Momoa as Dante. Not only is Momoa having such a great time here, his every scene is one to cherish as he injects a high-wire spirit into Dante unlike any villain seen before in this series. He is deadly, but hilarious, and an absolute joy to watch everytime he’s onscreen. “Fast X” ends on a terrific cliffhanger, and I am salivating for the next film.

6. "Mission: Impossible - Dead Reckoning Part One"

Ethan Hunt (Tom Cruise) has been given a new mission, and it’s a doozy: there are two halves of a key that, once connected, unlocks and controls one of the deadliest terrorist contraptions yet seen. He’s on the run, however, given that he’s burned a few bridges over the course of the last couple of movies, and it’s up to him and his team to make sure the key doesn’t fall into the wrong hands. Regardless of what one thinks of Cruise as a person and the whole Scientology religion he follows, there’s absolutely no denying he’s a fantastic performer and showman, and if you’re coming to the movies, he’s gonna make sure to give you your money’s worth and deliver a spectacle, and he does this once again with “Mission: Impossible - Dead Reckoning Part One” (“Part Two” is due next year). The action is undoubtedly some of the best of the year, with the entire last hour, possibly more, being a grand set-piece on a train. The sequences, from the airport set-piece where Ethan is on the run, to a fantastic car chase involving a small yellow Fiat (which leads to what has to be the funniest end credits disclaimer, that reads in part: “The filmmakers wish to advise not to drive a vehicle down the Rome Spanish Steps. This sequence was filmed on sound stages and sets”), to a middle act fist and firefight, to the entire third act train ride, it’s a film that doesn’t stop, but does pave the action so well enough that exposition is delivered effortlessly in between the down beats. When the Motorcycle cliff jump occurs, my stomach dropped, mainly because it’s been publicized that he did the stunt for real (of course). Performances are spectacular, with series mainstays Cruise, Simon Pegg, Ving Rhames and a particularly affecting Rebecca Ferguson bringing new weight not yet seen (by the way, where’s Jeremy Renner? He kinda vanished. More so, where is Paula Patton? So radiant and ass-kicking she was in “Ghost Protocol”, she’s been MIA since), while new performers, Hayley Atwell, as pickpocket Grace and Pom Klementieff as a very silent assassin, are both amazing. Vanessa Kirby does return from “Fallout”, and her part is incredibly interesting here, and further proof that she’s a terrific actress. The film does end on a crackerjack cliffhanger (that’s obvious given it’s title), but we thankfully don’t have too long to wait for this story to wrap itself up in a sure to be satisfying way. Featuring an AMAZING score from series mainstay Lorne Balfe that ranks up with one of the best film scores I’ve ever heard, “Mission: Impossible - Dead Reckoning Part One” is drop down fantastic through and through. It is 163 minutes long (2hrs and 43min), but I Swear to God, it never once drags or felt that long to me. These movies could be five hours and I’d eat them up.

5. "Past Lives"

Nora (Greta Lee) and Hae Sung (Teo Yoo) have over two decades of history together. As children in grade school, they had innocence and wonder, while still figuring out basic wants and needs. 12 years pass and the two reconnect through social media, but find it much too difficult to wait to find time to visit each other due to their personal lives. 12 more years pass, and the two reconnect again, this time in person. Everytime they connect, there’s this spark. Both of them don’t acknowledge it out loud, but deep down, they know it’s there. “Past Lives” comes to us from Celine Song, her debut feature both writing and directing, and also comes to us from Ol’ Reliable: A24. For a first feature, this is one of the all time best debuts I’ve ever seen. Everything about this film works to such a powerful degree, it’s astonishing. The screenplay is the sharpest and most natural I’ve seen this year; dialogue and character moments are terrific and wonderful, while the characters themselves, even the smallest supporting ones, are developed with such deep layers, wounds and all. The pacing is also natural and unhurried. Every scene allows each moment to breathe, settle and resonate with the viewer in ways unique to the film. The cinematography is gorgeous, using mostly, if not 100% natural lighting for scenes. A lot of the film takes place in New York, and even though we’ve seen it in thousands of films, the locations shot here make it feel like we never seen it in such a way before. Every shot and frame of this film can be hung up on a wall. It’s that good looking. The two central performances are what make the films impact work as well as it does. Greta Lee is beyond mesmerizing as Nora, formerly Na Young, a woman who has career aspirations and firm set goals, but deep down feels this aching longing for her childhood friend. Teo Yoo is quietly commanding as Hae Sung, a man who thinks he has what he wants, but knows there is something missing. These are two of the most vulnerable and achingly human characters I’ve ever seen in a film, and these two performers deserve all the raves and acclaim they can get (and have thus far gotten). “Past Lives” appears simple on the outside, but on the inside is a film that will hit you right in the heart, the gut and the mind and will relate to you in ways never glimpsed before. The tears it had squeezed from me throughout were well earned. The ending, while not spoiling anything, is quietly devastating and gut-wrenching. Sometimes, that’s how life is and has to be.

4. "Saltburn"

Oliver (Barry Keoghan) is a student at Oxford. Meek and shy, he quickly falls in friendship with Felix (Jacob Elordi), who subsequently invites him to stay with him and his family at Saltburn for the summer. Things are not what they seem, however. While the above synopsis seems a bit familiar to anyone who’s seen a thriller or two of this type, there are far more layers and much more depth to “Saltburn” than what’s on the surface. Deception is one of the main names of the game here, and it’s flying all around the characters at any given moment. All of the main characters we view at arms length; yes, we follow them, but we mustn’t get too close unless one gets hurt. The layers and dimensions to these characters wouldn’t work for one second if the writing and performances weren’t up to snuff, and they most certainly are. The screenplay by Director Emerald Fennell is biting, ferocious and searing; much like her previous effort “Promising Young Woman”, this is a film that doesn’t play nice, and doesn’t intend to. It wants to show us the ugliness of the everyday people surrounding us, whether they be compensating for something, in poverty or in rich, well off families. The performances match this caliber to the fullest degree. Barry Keoghan is excellent as Oliver, a young student with a lot on his mind. Jacob Elordi, far from the junky “Kissing Booth” franchise, has proven with “Priscilla” and this film here that he’s an exemplary performer. His Felix is enigmatic and hauntingly alluring. One never knows where or what his character is up to, but Elordi fascinates and imprints upon the viewer a sense of almost pleasant loneliness. As his family, Rosamund Pike and Richard E. Grant are stunning as his family, while Alison Oliver is depressingly beautiful as his sister, Venetia. Carey Mulligan does divine work in a small role as a friend of the family, Pam. The cinematography is beautiful, with shots continually impressing while the score is mighty and powerful. In the end, “Saltburn” relies on trust and power, who has it and who is willi by to get it. Sometimes, the people we trust are the ones that hurt us the most. It’s a bitch, isn’t it? Whatever world Fennell is living in, I thank God she keeps letting us in because this is one of the top films of the year.

3. "Barbie"

She may be a Barbie girl, but Barbie (Margot Robbie) isn’t just some stereotypical Barbie… ok maybe that’s what she represents, but there’s more to her than meets the eye. When she discovers there’s more to her than hot showers and the massive parties she holds every night, she travels to the real world to discover what her true purpose is. Ken (Ryan Gosling) is there too. “Barbie” comes to us from Greta Gerwig, not only her best film to date, but an amazing time any which way you spin it. Sunny in spirit and absolutely tremendous, the film has a determined go-getter attitude, with beautiful costume and set design and amazing music to boot (Ryan Gosling’s “I’m Just Ken” is a showstopper and Dua Lipa’s “Dance The Night” is a shoo-in for nominations at awards season. Billie Eilish’s “What Was I Made For?” However? I was a teary mess, it’s so gorgeous, reminding one of Sarah MacLachlan’s “When Somebody Loved Me” from “Toy Story 2”). Front and center is Margot Robbie, an amazing actress who personified the title character with warmth, sunniness and grace. She is fantastic, as well as America Ferrera as Gloria, a mother with a daughter and a determination to keep women the powerful people they are. Ryan Gosling is hilarious and fantastic as Ken, aloof and goofy and hitting every comedic note with grace. By the end, I was elated and a sense of giddy, joyous feeling very few movies accomplish. Filled with humor, empowerment and surprisingly tender and teary-eyed moments, I’m not ashamed to say that “Barbie” might just be one of the best films of 2023. It’s more than “Kenough”.

2. "The Iron Claw"

Any wrestling fan knows about The Von Erich family. I happen to be a bit of a fan of Wrestling; I’m not sure why, there is an allure there to me that other sports can’t hold a candle to (football completely and totally sucks). In carefully examining the rise and ultimate tragedy of the Von Erich’s, Sean Durkin’s “The Iron Claw” is devastating beyond belief, and that’s not to discredit it at all in any way shape or form, rather it’s a testament to how phenomenal and truly amazing the film is. The turmoil may be a bit too much to take at times, but that is the way life happens, specifically theirs. Cinematography, making the film look like a genuine, authentic product of the late-70’s and 80’s is terrific, while the music cues, including Blue Oyster Cult’s “Don’t Fear The Reaper” and Rush’s “Tom Sawyer”, feel ominous and emphatic. The film’s heart lies in the performances. Zac Efron gives the best turn of his career thus far as Kevin, troubled like his brothers but doing the most to keep everything together. Jeremy Allen White, Harris Dickinson and Stanley Simons portray Kerry, David and Mike respectively and they are absolutely terrific. As patriarch Fritz, Holt McCallany is breathtakingly heartbreaking. A man who wants nothing but the best for his boys, he shows little affection and makes it known that anything less than great will not fly with him. McCallany has always been a terrific actor, but here? He transforms into something else entirely. Maura Tierney is fantastic as the Matriarch, almost resigned to the lifestyle knowing there’s not much she can do about it, and Lily James is her usual wonderful self as Pam, Kevin’s eventual wife, “The Iron Claw” is emotionally devastating, tragic and heartbreaking around almost every corner, but it’s a story not only worth being told this way, but told in an extremely mature, well-done and fantastic way. This is one of the best films of the year.

1. "Poor Things"

Bella Baxter (Emma Stone) is a creation. Her body was found by a scientist known as “God” (Willem Dafoe), who as scooped her up and reanimated her. As she begins to grow feelings and emotions, her growing independence and raging libido cannot be contained. “Poor Things” is one of the most beautifully strange films of the year. Its writing is profoundly excellent as the dialogue is not only unique and hilarious, but resoundingly truthful. Art direction is astounding complimented not only with beautiful costume designs and astounding cinematography, but a beautifully warped musical score. The entire time, you feel as if you’re in a warped fairy tale, and successfully so. Emma Stone, by the grace of all things sacred, is amazing, never less than stunning and wonderfully off-kilter. She has earned rapturous acclaim and deservedly so. Supporting work from Mark Ruffalo, as Duncan, an aristocrat who thinks too highly of himself, Willem Dafoe as the father like and deformed “God”, and Ramy Yousef as a genuine male suitor are all amazing to behold. There are a lot of very warped and bent ingredients that make “Poor Things” work as exceptionally well as it does, and those ingredients haven’t just made a terrific film, they’ve made, what I believe to be, the best film of 2023. It’s a film that made me giddy and happy while also pleasantly satisfied that a film this bravely off the wall is allowed to exist. Considering I didn’t care at all for director Yorgos Lanthimos’ previous films “The Lobster” and “The Favorite”, this is a massive improvement, a terrific achievement and an overall job very well done. Whenever I pick a film for my choice of best of the year, it is one that makes me feel joy upon the mere thought of it and happiness while watching it. It’s almost like an out of body experience as I feel I am in the presence of something truly special. “Poor Things” is that film. Do not let it pass you by.